counting sighs

Heather T






mocking time

smelling flowers

that I despise

I watch the clock

and count the sighs


ignoring air

I could not die


the sun is cold

and dreams unkind

bring thoughts of you

but I'm denied

I squint to see

still lamp black blind


ignoring light

I could not die


I eat fresh graves

to sympathize

and choke on words

without goodbye

spit out the tears

they leave behind


ignoring warm

I could not die


I sleep blank sleep

to tranquilize

pound my fists

and try to cry

the knuckles bleed

I don't know why


I'm walking dead

and cannot die 

  • Author: Heather T (Offline Offline)
  • Published: August 16th, 2017 12:52
  • Comment from author about the poem: Written at age 18 in 1994, a few months into grieving. My fiance died in a car accident six months before our scheduled June wedding. Scott Morris was 21. His best childhood friend, Danny Newell, also 21, was driving. They both had been drinking, were traveling at a high rate of speed, and hit a patch of black ice. Estimated speed before impact was 90mph. The Camaro went airborne and hit a large tree on the passenger's side. Scott died upon impact. Danny suffered catastrophic injuries, but held onto life until he passed from complications at age 31. There are many people on this site that suffer from depression for various reasons. There are two things I want everyone to come away with from all this suffering. One, drinking and driving is a fool's game. Two, there is healing and hope. This isn't the only thing I've ever been through, but I am living a blessed, imperfect life. There is beauty for ashes!
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 113
  • Users favorite of this poem: Accidental Poet, Noveyre, whisperingquill.


  • Louis Gibbs

    A beautiful, poignant piece, Heather. Very well presented. I simply love the last two lines1

    • Heather T

      Louis, thank you! I did revise two lines for better flow.

    • FredPeyer

      You were already an accomplished poet at 18 years of age, Heather!
      Obviously it is a very sad poem, following a very sad incident (more like a nightmare). In my opinion, the last two lines express the pain and hurt perfectly.
      As far as drinking and driving is concerned, I did my fair share of that when I was young and stupid, but thankfully wised up before anything happened.

      • Heather T

        I made a big reply and poof, it's gone. I remembered this one well. Wrote a few others that same year, might be in a box somewhere. I remember a few verses from the others, but that's all. I wrote my first poem when I was 8. I remember it perfectly. It was a nightmare, and I handled it with all of my 18 year old skills, which were limited. I drove drunk exactly once, and was so scared and ashamed that it never happened again. As you said, young and stupid!

      • Tony36

        Well written and expressed

        • Heather T

          Many thanks, Tony!

          • Tony36


          • Michael Edwards

            So sorry to hear this - and such a haunting write and must concur with others regarding the last two lines.

            • Heather T

              Thank you, Michael. It was a long time ago, but one of the things that shaped me as a person.

            • alissa

              This cuts very deep. Very good write.

              • Heather T

                I appreciate you reading, alissa!

              • Sinead358

                Forgot to breath reading this. Touched me to tears. Thank you for sharing.

                • Heather T

                  Thank you for the touch, Sinead, and allowing me to share.

                • sue.evans

                  You have worn your heart on your sleeve in this poem - so tragic. It always surprises me how words whether shared it just written to put in a box can help the healing process.

                  • Heather T

                    It's the truth, Sue. Helps us process the influx of emotions and sort out complicated feelings. Thank you for reading!

                  • Accidental Poet

                    Condolence hugs to you Heather for such a tragic loss just 6 months before marrying. But as you replied to someone else here, it helped you to grow and learn how to process such events in life. Written straight from your heart. Sad, but superb poem.

                  • burning-embers

                    Pain and futility of remaining alive after such loss scream from your young hand here. Honoured to have an insight into part of what has led you to your excellence of expression and ability to reach into your readers soul. I too have a box or folder someplace with early words. But i dont think they compare with your excellence.

                  • whisperingquill

                    Huuuuuugs 😌😌😌😌😌🌹

                    Courageous lioness

                  • MaddieJ

                    What a beautful interpretation of your struggle. You have such a good attitude about it though! Great to see that amongst the loss and pain. I too try and keep my spirits up and count my blessings among hard times. Good write!

                  • Goldfinch60

                    Super write Heather, you have come through it though. It will not be forgotten but you have obviously moved on and are probably stronger because of it.

                  • WL Schuett

                    After the explanation I looked at the poem from a different point of view , something's take a long time to get through especially a tragedy like this

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