Can you help?!


Tune: Monday Madness

(whatever that is?!)

I dunno, make up your own tune


Now look, can you help?

I mean, this could be dangerous....

Thinking, I mean!

How many thoughts can one think each day?


And what can be done

Cos I always get a headache

After about two or three deep thoughts

It's been going on for millions of years, ya know

Cos that's my age!


What are you wittering on about Orchi?

Why this soliloquy, this talking to yourself?

Did yourself reply

And give yourself a sensible answer?

No chance!


What's to be done

Take a pill and have a lie down

For about three hours

Careful which pill you take though!


Have a pork pie or two as well

And pour yourself a sherry

And enjoy your KP marriage still


What? Enjoy? It's all botox to me

I can't escape

She's tied this ball and chain to me leg

And thrown away the key!

There's a progress update for ya


Ohh, I blames you lot

With complex poems, and iambic-wotsits, and wot-nots 

Don't expect old Orchi to know what they are!

He's so un-cultured

He's too busy singing

And mucking about with metres

He loses sleep over them ya know

If they don't fit exactly!!


I'm thinking again, though it's not good for me

Should I divorce

And marry Shirley in Eastenders?

She's Worzel Gummidge's sister, I reckon!

Hee Hee

  • Author: orchidee (Offline Offline)
  • Published: December 11th, 2017 03:09
  • Comment from author about the poem: Erm, not a hymn-poem, and no metre at all! The song title don't apply to me marriage, but 'Madness' group are singing it!
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 34


  • Michael Edwards

    Completely bonkers (do they use that word in the States?) and I love it for being just that. Off to snack on some of KPs nuts.

    • orchidee

      It's cos they married me off on here to Katie Price (KP) in a Halloween wedding! Has driven me barmy!

    • Goldfinch60

      Ah the real Orchi has come back from his religious sojourn.
      So good to see you back again, I suppose you will be forcing Neighbours on us soon!

      • orchidee

        Is this a temporary aberration from me?! KP partly drove me to it!

      • FredPeyer

        In regards to Michaels comment:
        We don't call it 'bonkers', here in Hawaii we call it 'lolo'!
        And I didn't know KP has nuts! More like melons I guess.
        But orchi is the one that should know.....
        Orchi, that last line of 'Hee Hee' describes the whole poem. Well done, definitely want to read more of where this came from!!!

        • orchidee

          Ohhh tales of 'Neighbours' may follow - ghastly Australian soap. What's it doing in the UK? For example, I refuse to watch any programme with someone in it named Toadfish - his first name! it's not human - can't be! lol.

        • FineB

          Hi Orchidee,

          I like this. Interesting poem.

          Keep writing

          • orchidee

            Thanks Fine. Oh it's nutty! lol.

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