LOOKING DOWN
We stood there as sentinels
as we had so many times before,
sharing shadows and looking down.
Warm breezes blew
playing tunes through the leaves.
My eyes swept the stumbling hills,
and combed the hedge-hemmed fields.
I saw the banks of the silvered river
with its quivering reflections
of the tumbling walls
where my memories began,
where I took my first breath.
We stood there as sentinels
reunited after all those years
my friend - the noble oak - and I.
-
Author:
Michael Edwards (
Offline) - Published: December 17th, 2017 02:49
- Comment from author about the poem: Forgive the drawing which doesn't really go with the poem but as it's run up to Christmas I thought it apt to pop it in the posting. As for the poem this has been in the writing for some time. It started out in completely different form (which I can publish if anyone's interested) and I have kept returning to it playing around with the idea. Even now, although the final line conveys the right idea I'm still not sure it's quite how I'd like to present it. For example I did have commas instead of dashes but put dashes in as although they would add nothing if read aloud I do feel they impart greater impact when reading the written word. But still not sure if the chosen words are as good as I'd like them . If anyone has any ideas answers on a postcard please.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 51
- User favorite of this poem: Accidental Poet.
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Comments5
Good write and pic Michael. Well, Santa's looking down - the chimney? Note my 'dash' there. they can give longer pauses than commas, then a 'punchline' may follow. All very technical!
I dunno poetic styles. I'm too un-cultured. I dunno about iambic-wotsits anyway. I probably use them without knowing it! Ooh, a hyphen there too! lol.
Yes he is but I don't think he can see much- thanks Orphi my great-mate - had to slip a hyphen somewhere.
Are those hyphens expensive? How many of them are there for a pound?! The '£' that is! Is Orphi related Orpheus? I don't know the guy Orphi!
2 more comments
Superb write Michael, that oak will always be there for you.
Thanks I'm sure he will Andy.
Think I'll change the word 'weathered' for 'noble' - yes that sounds better. Happy now
I too compulsively edit and rewrite my poems before publishing them. Makes for a better write, doesn't it.
This is a fine example of that, Michael. You took us on the journey home with you. Beautiful!
Thanks so much Louis - I've changed the last line now and so much better for it.
As for changing around and editing etc I will, as from tomorrow publish a poem just completed in several stages of writing from conception to finished work - I'll do it over several days and I will be interested to see the feedback.
Yes trees are stationary, but have much to say if one chooses to listen. Great write Michael.
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