ON NIGHTS LIKE THESE
A gathering night of ashen grey,
no pigeon stirred nor warbler sang.
The tapering skies reached down
and shook the hands of misty hills
as roaming winds announced a storm.
And soon the heavens began to peal
with pounding force of falling rain
and coruscating flashes lit
the distant teeth of granite hills.
And ghostly choruses were heard
where only men of sorrow walk.
-
Author:
Michael Edwards (
Offline) - Published: January 28th, 2018 02:16
- Comment from author about the poem: I designed a new logo for our art club which we are now using and this is it
- Category: Unclassified
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- Users favorite of this poem: Accidental Poet
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Comments12
Great write Michael. Loved the lines:
"The tapering skies reached down
and shook the hands of misty hills"
Great imagery in words.
Thanks Andy - I have two lines which end with 'hills' which I don't like too much but can't quite see how to change it without spoiling the flow - I'll work on it.
A fine write and pic Michael. Oooh I know. I fuss over rhyming 'be' with 'see' maybe too often! I may simply opt for 'we' instead. I wangle it in somehow.
Even if I say it back-to-front poetically, e.g.
'You there day good a have'.
Right are you think I - Orchi cheers.
What I like doing is swapping over the first letters of words thus one of our local pubs 'The Shoulder Of Mutton' becomes 'The Moulder Of Shutton;
You can have some great fun doing this.
Make them granite mountains instead of granite hills then? Or misty mountains and granite hills?
I don't know much about them hills and mountains. How is their geography, climate, etc? lol.
Misty mountains throws out the metre of the third line of the stanza but I could say something like Granite folds or banks or bluffs - they would all work but ideally it should start with g for alliterations sake - can't think of a single syllable word starting with a g.
Still scratching head!!
Ahh, so the mountains may not be misty.
You can get away with a syllable less in some words, e.g. heav-ens', or as 'heavens'.
'Go' - single syllable starting with g, but of no use whatsoever here! lol.
How about 'grey'? But then 'Grey granite' what?
The distant teeth of granite grey. Could work!
You will see my repetition of some words in my poems. Is that why I make them quite log often, so people won't spot repetitions?! I've not got past coruscating! lol.
Could be the case, I said, could be the case.
Coruscating came to me like a flash out of nowhere
Cheers Orchi.
Look, just push the hills out of view and place a block of flats there where the lightning thrills.... just kidding.... great piece sir!
We could blow them up = adds to the coruscations.
I love the repetition of words at times in poetry Michael - - this imagery -laden powerful piece makes excellent reading to my mind.
Ah thank you Fay
Michael, I too am in awe of this great write. I love the whole poem, but the first two lines really got my attention. Excellent write my fellow poet.
Thanks AP - I truly appreciate your kind words.
Sometimes something just comes in a coruscating flash of inspiration - how about granite peaks?
One night like these...its fantastic!
Thanks so much for commenting - much appreciated.
I knows 'castellations' too - bits of churches. Sometimes it's where it's painted to look like castle walls. It's not an actual castle wall though!
So the wall's not there - bit like castrations isn't it?
Heeheeh it's a foil - it's someone painting bits of churches to make them look like castle walls!
I can see that gathering storm night, feel it in my bones. Great writing, and love the two last lines!
Thanks Fred.
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