When you look at me,
I don’t know what you see,
I just hope that you will remember me.
It’s hard to watch you become someone I don’t know,
As I always thought your memory would grow,
And now those who love you, you no longer know.
You grow worse with each passing day,
And sometimes I can’t make sense of what you say,
But that doesn’t mean each day will be grey.
I know you lay with me but your mind does not,
But I’ll keep my patience and I’ll give it my best shot.
It’s OK Nanna I hear your confusion,
There’s no need to make yourself a seclusion,
Even if your mind is playing one big illusion.
I can only be close as your memory goes,
Remembering when you were seventy and could touch your toes,
And now I see you withering away in those clothes.
I will try to be by your side through every sigh,
And even when you can’t remember that ‘guy’
But I can’t promise you that I wont cry.
Losing someone close has always been my fear,
Especially now you think Grandad is still here.
I don’t want to make you know me,
All that I ask is you tell me what you see,
Although I can’t always say I’ll agree.
This is the longest goodbye I have ever had to do,
Just know that I will always be standing by you,
Even though each day I’m wishing for a break-through.
This is really hard for me to get off my chest
Just know that I know you are doing your best
You don’t have to speak now; just please, get your rest.
-
Author:
LiterateLesbian (
Offline) - Published: May 31st, 2018 03:41
- Comment from author about the poem: This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write. It’s just before 10PM and I have only written the first two lines. I can usually write a thousand words in the time it’s taken to only write eleven. I have never experienced writers block so bad. Sometimes I question the world, ‘why me?’ but then I say ‘try me!’ but in this case, it’s not so easy. People need things to defeat them in order to realise they are not defeated, just reformed, but stronger. Maybe that isn’t the case here. I have always thought that things like this wouldn’t ever happen to me, or my family. I guess I prayed we would be the lucky ones. But on a lonely night like this, when there is no one online to talk to, my thoughts seem to attack me. I am trying to write a poem to project my feelings. I have been too scared to go back up to the hospital to see her. Hearing that she doesn’t know who my dad is sometimes, her own son, it scares me. To see a woman who has helped to bring me up and become who I am today not know her own son scares me. When I went she never said my name, but she never called me anyone else either and that was enough. She might have had be confused in her head but she never let it out. I don’t know why there would be complications in the world as such as this. It’s 12:00AM, I have been trying to write for just over two hours now. I have typed many words, and deleted many too, and in all of this time I haven’t smoked a single cigarette either. These words have came from a precious heart, grieving towards my nanna as she slips deeper into her dementia. I feel like now I am able to go visit her, knowing I have gotten the built up stress from the first visit out there in the open. I am going to read this poem to my closest friend later, I have never read a poem out before to anyone but this is a heavier poem, and I hope it helps me get over this barrier. I want to be strong for her, hopefully my words help me. Goodnight everyone, God bless you all.
- Category: Sad
- Views: 18
Offline)
Comments3
Dementia is a very cruel disease, my wife is suffering from it and each day it gets worse, she still recognises me but last night when I walked into the room where she ws sitting she looked at me and said "Can we go home now".
If you look through my poems there are many about the problems that happen with dementia and how I feel about it. I am a religious man, I used to be a Chaplain but my Faith is being severely questioned.
Good write by the way, all you can do is try and be with her and accept all her strange ways, but best of all is to make her laugh, laughter helps a great deal.
Thank you for your kind words, ill have a read through some tonight, thank you again! I hope you are ok, i feel so alone in this situation as i know no one else personally that is going through this too. She was full of humour just over a year ago, that is what hurts so much. I remember all her little jokes and how she has never missed an episode of hollyoakes since it started, now she doesnt know the characters or what is going on it is so painful. Im trying to be strong for her until it is too late 🙁
The end is simply one beginning's closure, and the birth of another. I very much hope that you keep your words with you. Be strong, brave, and honest with yourself and your Nan. You can do it. Best regards.
thank you for taking the time to read and reply with such kind words 🙂
You love, you care, and you even question yourself - you are one hell of a lady - Stay strong for your Nan and keep writing.
Thank you so much
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