Goodbye Yesterday

Helen Phelan



There’s a song , from my past, I used to listen a lot
I haven’t heard it years I must have forgot

It was boys to men ‘hard to say goodbye to yesterday’
The words make me cry now, an ear worm to stay

I don’t know why this song is back in my head
It rings through my mind while I lay down in bed

this time the words haunt me but its not about loving
Now it means goodbye to a friend or a feeling


I’m scared to say bye to this partner I’ve made
So many years been with me each night and each day

throughout all my 20’s and 30’s, a fall back partner
A friend to rely on, but always let’s you down after

I look back at memories filled with crazy and smiles....
I’m kidding my self it’s been torture and lies

happy and high all in that moment, not real joy though is it
its darkness and loathing and all that comes with it.

I feel like I’m saying goodbye to my youth
Or A part of my being, my soul, my truth

But my youth was painful and nobody new
The real me inside, then I ran, and I grew

I’ve been Running so long through woods hot and wired
I yearn for the finish to not feel sad, broken and tired

I feel like I’m grieving, I’m loosing a friend
But no real friend would leave you this way in the end

I don’t want my mate who I’ve fallen so heavy
To leave me for good just in case I’m not ready

Like a shackle thats weighing me down as I walk
I want to run free but I’m scared I can’t talk

Excuse on excuse I make for my mate
So much I’ve missed, now my life’s running late

If you were a real friend and treated me so
No way I’d forgive you, i’d of long let you go

So why have I let you destroy me so long?
What have I gained from repeatedly singing your song

What do I do to fill all that time
When I turned to my mate to numb what’s inside

How will my life be better with this ending
More money, more hols, my lover the time I’ll be spending

Why would I want the all this hate felt inside
When I can be free, courageous, untied

Finding my person that’s hidden within
Finding the patience to not sink and then swim

The feeling of sadness and total subjection
I give myself to you world with all my imperfections

You’ll love me or hate me but that’s mine to own
Old Friend won’t be with me, I’ll be alone

My heart is torn as I know it is right,
I’m tired of fighting myself every night

A million voices in my head that haunt from the past
All screaming for peace and the end to
this farce

Now to stop falling and hurting, scrapping my knees
I want peace I want calm like soft breeze through summer trees.

The contentment you feel on the beach with a sleep
The warmth that you feel causing your heart to then leap

That’s what I long for, the happy innocent
Not darkness and tears and horrid resent

Now it is time to concur this beast
To devour this monster, on joy I will feast

Yes its so hard saying bye yesterday
But I’ve done it before and tomorrow’s a better day

So gently I’ll place you down, right here on the shore,
Let the waves take you away..........I need you no more.

  • Author: Helen Phelan (Offline Offline)
  • Published: July 19th, 2018 17:34
  • Comment from author about the poem: This is a poem I’ve written as a healing process to my fight and overcoming addictions. I bear my soul and release my thoughts to the world as acceptance of my new life chapters
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 26
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Comments2

  • BRIAN & ANGELA

    WELCOME HELEN ~ Thanks for your first Poem. Love the structure Rhyming Couplets ~ my fave ! It is very personal & confessional and I trust cathartic. Love the song and I guess it fits a HABIT as it would a FRIEND ! I'm 35 so I know we can be gripped by habits which can dominate us. I try to steer clear of things to which I could become addicted and I'm engaged now (To Angela) so there are constraints ! Our 20's & 30's are difficult years especially (in my case) if one is single ! All addictions are expensive (as you indicate) and they demand our Soul as well. I work in a Vocational College and I am a Student Counsellor so I have to set a good example and keep clean. You have to rediscover your Inner Person and let her rule you and bring you PEACE ~ Thinking of you ~ Yours BRIAN ~ Please check my Poems ~ Thanks B. Love your last doublet:
    So gently I'll lay you down ~
    right here on the shore
    Let the waves take you away .........
    I need you no more !
    The VICTORY is yours HELEN ~ YES !

  • Fay Slimm.

    Welcome Helen - and congrats on creating a new you - -with your first write you have thrown away painful baggage and shown readers how to let in the sunlight of positive thinking - an engaging read and so honest that your tomorrows are bound to be better -- look forward to reading more of your work.



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