Goldfinch60

Failing Faith.



There I was, sitting on my cloud

God floated by and looked at me

“You look bloody miserable!” He said

He pulled up a cloud and sat next to me

“What’s the trouble?” he asked

“You are!” I replied

“Now what have I done?”

“You have taken my lover from me!”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well her mind is closing.

She is not the person I knew”

“What do you mean by that” he asked

“Well all her life she has worshipped you

Sang your praises.

And what to you do?

You take her voice from her!”

“It was only to protect her” He said

“She could have lost her voice completely!”

“It may well be that way, but singing was her life!”

“She has other things; she has you!”

“But you are even taking that from her!

Her mind is closing into a dementia world

Which is starting to keep me out” I replied

“What has she done to deserve that”

“She is still with you in body” he uttered

“Yes she may well be

But she can hardly walk

I have to take her in a wheelchair now”

“At least you are fit enough to help her” he replied

“But what if I am not, what happens then?”

“There are people who will help her”

“I vowed ‘In sickness and in health’ in front of you

Are my vows not sacred to you?”

“Of course they are, as they are to you” he said

“So why are you punishing her

Or are you punishing me!!”

“No I a not punishing you

It is a test, to see how strong you are”

“Why are you testing me?

It seems like a punishment”

God got up from his cloud and started to drift away

He looked back and said

“You will see, you will see”

 

Comments8

  • orchidee

    This is like some Psalms and sacred writings that other people have expressed at times.
    It is reasoned and thought out, not a blundering in, though Job's wife wanted Job to curse God.
    My poem today may seem 'triumphalistic' to some (long word there!). I've put things like:
    'Full of faith and the Spirit'.
    'The life of God radiates from him (Stephen)'.
    Yet this is so for you too, I believe. Also for me, in my maybe 'lesser trials'.

    • Goldfinch60

      Thank you Orchi. The trials of Faith can be very hard at times but we normally come through them into a better place.

    • dusk arising

      Certainly a test of faith. Or what alternative?

      • Goldfinch60

        I know My Spirit will never leave me but I am struggling to understand what God has for me.

        • dusk arising

          I'm no christian my friend, i struggled with some of christianity's vague responses to issues which tried me in the past. Not least among those was coming to terms with the reality of my seriously mentally handicapped daughter.
          I cannot offer you advice, but certainly i understand the unfairness of the situation.
          I invite you to view this eloquent man talking on similar subjects. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-suvkwNYSQo

        • 2 more comments

        • Heartwriter

          Goldie. We are after all only humans. In a body that is impossible to live perfect forever. You nor your wife are being punished. It happens to all of us at some point or fashion. Be strong. Be brave. Mostly remain happy with what you've had and the sweetest of memories. I wish there were a cure. However life doesn't end here. It goes on in another dimension. Hold on to hope and just know that she loves you without ever ending! We all need understanding and patience is never easy. Hugs Goldie. I see your pain everyday in my neighbor. She can not even take her husband outside without help. He wanders away. Does not even know her name at times. So sorry.

          • Goldfinch60

            Thank you Heartwriter, it is so hard and getting harder every day. I have a week off next week when Joyce goes into a care home for a week so that I can recharge my batteries.
            Thank you for your understanding and kindness.
            ANDY.

            • Heartwriter

              Your welcome! Very welcome.

            • samreen Chowdhury

              this was heartfelt and was such a good read. thanks for sharing.

              • Goldfinch60

                Thank you samreen, most kind.

              • Laura

                Andy,

                You will see...
                Your faith will
                get you through!

                A friend of mine once told me that God was giving me as much as I could handle and not more than that! I just laughed and didn’t believe a word of it!
                This happened during one of my darkest periods! I did make it...and you will too!
                You are a survivor! Your faith will keep you strong! Just think...where would Joyce be without you? You are where you are for her! Stay strong! Love to you and Joyce!

                ~Laura~

              • Goldfinch60

                Thank you Laura, I know my Faith will see me through go but it is asking some extremely hard questions at the moment.
                Thank you for your love to us both, much appreciated.

                Andy

              • BRIAN & ANGELA

                HELLO ANDY, ANGELA HERE! Its 10:30 am (FRIDAY) in Auckland and my first clinic is 2pm and an Evening One for people who have to work. BRIAN thought I would be more empathetic in respect of the situation you face 24/7 with your Beloved Wife JOYCE. When I do "Home Visits" for Physio & Massage I constantly meet couples One of whom has Dementia. AROMATHERAPY using essential oils (monoterpenes) can calm and relieve anxiety. The situation is a sad one as described in your excellent Poem. In their own Home I offer to pray with people especially if they are Catholics. Some of them ask me "Are you a Nun ?" don't tell Brian! It should encourage you to know that Clients who are Christians cope much better than those without any FAITH. I loved the way you sat down and reasoned it out with GOD like JOB did very very cathartic. Knowing how hard it would be for BRIAN (me going to NZ for a Year) I talked to GOD about it and His answer was You will learn so much about yourself in NZ (as nowhere else) grasp the opportunity, I have given you Ruth as a "SISTER" and absence will deepen the "true love" I have given You & Brian, which it has: AMEN Your Poem made me cry it was so from your HEART. It gives me Faith to believe BRIAN & I could cope with any situation: AMEN Love SINATRA (singing anthing ~ Brain likes DEAN MARTIN especially when he sings in Italian ~ what do you think ? Brian & I will be of-line until 31st July : Angela

                Brian sends his Love & Prayers to YOU & JOYCE
                Love & Prayers ANGELA XXXX

                • Goldfinch60

                  What a wonderful reply to my Poem Angela, my Faith is strong but I do question it sometimes but like all things in life it has its ups and downs.
                  It has happened to me before when I was very ill and was told if I didn't have an operation I would die, I did lose my Faith completely a couple of days before the operation as I was feeling so ill. When I awoke from the operation my Faith returned immediately so I do know that it will be with me.
                  Thank you both for your love and prayers, I know that your life together will be filled with Faith, Love and Joy.
                  Andy

                • onepauly

                  the threshold.

                  • Goldfinch60

                    You may well be right, thank you onepauly.



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