Comments received on poems by Vera Podell
Swelter
Bobby O said:
Past events, reels that flicker occupy my mind vivid w this image this bathroom w my hands closed around his throat , his almost 4 yr old body recovered before limp , my anger subsiding and my grip released and irony consumed as his final place of rest eerily now on familiar tiles of a bathroom floor that claimed him , lifeless now, perhaps symbolically in completion of that past violent moment.
Okay., don’t be mad , I really felt the arc of your story and felt it worthy on many levels. A poet way smarter and better than me pleaded w me to avoid a certain trap that’s easy to fall prey to and easy not to notice. The use of the pronoun “I”
Tends to weaken and lessen creative tension in an otherwise impactful piece. I purposely overwrote and overdid this quick rewrite to hopefully illustrate how stories gain a certain strength if we as writers take the time to rewrite without that pesky overuse of that pronoun. It’s like the first thing many poetry books recommend. I’ve got no agenda and sharing what others shared w me could be of benefit Or just ignore me cuz i ain’t nobody that has any standing , but I took a risk and agree or not please know it is offered w my best intent. God Bless
May 21st, 2023 13:53
Bobby O said:
Past events, reels that flicker occupy my mind vivid w this image this bathroom w my hands closed around his throat , his almost 4 yr old body recovered before limp , my anger subsiding and my grip released and irony consumed as his final place of rest eerily now on familiar tiles of a bathroom floor that claimed him , lifeless now, perhaps symbolically in completion of that past violent moment.
Okay., don’t be mad , I really felt the arc of your story and felt it worthy on many levels. A poet way smarter and better than me pleaded w me to avoid a certain trap that’s easy to fall prey to and easy not to notice. The use of the pronoun “I”
Tends to weaken and lessen creative tension in an otherwise impactful piece. I purposely overwrote and overdid this quick rewrite to hopefully illustrate how stories gain a certain strength if we as writers take the time to rewrite without that pesky overuse of that pronoun. It’s like the first thing many poetry books recommend. I’ve got no agenda and sharing what others shared w me could be of benefit Or just ignore me cuz i ain’t nobody that has any standing , but I took a risk and agree or not please know it is offered w my best intent. God Bless
May 21st, 2023 13:53
Dog In a Hot Car
PoetVids - I am WriteBeLight only in Video Version :) said:
Like how you did that. Great poetic message!
May 3rd, 2023 12:53
PoetVids - I am WriteBeLight only in Video Version :) said:
Like how you did that. Great poetic message!
May 3rd, 2023 12:53
Another
Bobby O said:
Enticed to read it twice. Nice angles dome gentle and a few w an edge as if to say the path may match the phrase.
April 16th, 2023 02:11
Bobby O said:
Enticed to read it twice. Nice angles dome gentle and a few w an edge as if to say the path may match the phrase.
April 16th, 2023 02:11
