Stop Stealing the Napkins! : to Asinius Marrucinus

Asinius Marrucinus, you don’t employ
your left hand too well: in wine and jest
you take neglected table-linen.
Do you think that’s witty? Get lost, you fool:
it’s such a sordid and such an unattractive thing.
Don’t you believe me? Believe Pollionus
your brother, who wishes your thefts
could be fixed by money: he’s a boy
truly stuffed with wit and humour.
So expect three hundred hendecasyllables
or return my napkin, whose value
doesn’t disturb me, truly,
it’s a remembrance of my friends.
Fabullus and Veranius sent me the gift,
napkins from Spain: they must be cherished
as my Veranius and Fabullus must be.