TODAY’S ANNOUNCEMENTS
Welcome to Adle your friendly supermarket.
Will a member of staff please proceed to aisle 5
where a pile of empty boxes has fallen over and is blocking access.
We are now opening checkout 3 for your convenience
please proceed to checkout 3 and start unloading your shopping.
Aisle 6 is closing as the floor is iced over due to a fault on the chill unit
we apologise for any inconvenience.
Today we have a 50% reduction on the price of Bodgers Whisky
Located behind a pile of boxes on aisle 5.
Will a member of the till staff please proceed to checkout 3 where customers are waiting.
We are now offering two packets of frozen pawns for the price of one
you will find them located under the ice in aisle 6.
We are now opening checkout 2 for your convenience
please proceed to checkout 2 and start unloading your shopping.
We are now closing checkout 3
will you please gather your shopping and proceed to checkout 2..
We have a lost mummy at the customer desk
if she is your mummy please come to the desk and reclaim her.
Will a member of staff please proceed to checkout 2 where customers are waiting.
Will a member of staff proceed to aisle 6
where customers are using Waitrose bags to slide on the ice.
Will the member of staff drinking a bottle of Bodgers at checkout 2
please report to the manager immediately.
We are now closing checkout 2 please proceed to checkout 3
where a member of staff will be with you shortly.
The store is closing in 10 minutes time
We hope you have enjoyed shopping with us today.
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Author:
Michael Edwards (
Offline) - Published: January 6th, 2019 02:26
- Comment from author about the poem: Not sure if it's a poem but what the heck - inspired by the announcements heard in Lidl ans Alsi supermarkets where I sometimes think the customer is regarded as a nuisance.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 29
Offline)
Comments6
Cracking write Michael.
Was that you sliding on the ice with a Waitrose bag?
I have the picture of something out of a Giles cartoon - cheers Andy.
A fine write Michael. lol. We gotta negotiate shopping trolleys too. they can't all be blamed on wonky wheels. Some people can't drive them, let alone a drive a car.
Maybe I was in a good mood shopping, when that happened one day - trolley jams. I thought to myself 'You love it really, don't ya?!'
They do PhDs in blocking aisles with empty boxes specially for Aldi and Lidl staff.
Now wonky trolley design is an art form in itself - watch out for the next Turner prize.
Nothing wrong with having ya foot all gnarled up and run over by a trolley. Dunno why folk complain?!
IN AMERICA THEY HAVE "THE OLDE COUNTRY STORE" With a row of Rockers (Chairs !) outside for ones use ! Inside potatoes etc are served from sack (with a cat sitting on top a la GILES !) and "loose" sugar is weighed into paper bags and butter & cheese from big slabs was wrapped in "grease-proof" paper. There is NO HELP=YOURSELF SERVICE ~ It all takes longer but is much more satisfying and not a PLASTIC (naughty word !) BAG for miles. My Parents & of course My Grandparents well remember such shops in the UK as I am sure you do. Sweets in big jars ~ loose tea in a chest and ham & bacon sliced to order ! The Brave New World of SUPA & HYPERMARKETS is the DEATH of a CIVIL & CIVILISED WORLD ! Thanks for caring ~ BRIAN
Oh yes I remember it well - my Aunty used to work in the International Store in Southgate everything you mention(butter, bacon, ham etc) and if you only wanted a small loaf the large one would be cut in half - only paper bags - broken biscuits from a large tin - biscuits served by the weight - ah memories.
Customer announcement - to avoid a parking penalty charge dont forget to enter your vehicle reg no on leaving the store otherwise you will be hunted down and forced into a local courthouse (Aldi worcester city branch)... have a nice day.
Lidl Blackpole branch- for your convenience all self service tills have been closed.
We are delighted to announced an extra ten minutes shopping every third Tuesday in the month now that we have completely abandoned staff training.
That all sounds about right da.
For your convenience, to save you having to care for your plant purchases no plants for sale at this store have been watered since leaving the nursery and are therefore pronounced dead prior to be being placed on display.
It has been brought to our attention that our shopping trolleys are being stolen at the rate of tens per month. To ensure we are able to maintain a suitable number of trolleys for customers we have removed castors from our trolleys to deter theives.
We have noted that there is an increased demand for items which we have run out of. To satisfy customer demand we will be running out of more lines each month throughout 2019.
How's that evening going? You gone to Lidl or Aldi shopping this evening? Well, maybe not Sunday evening.
No - just been watching Leicester - wish I hadn't - only because I live in the county - Spurs are my first team - and now about to carry on reading Jane Eyre - strange Sunday. Might have an epiph later.
Wow, I can't believe you remembered all that! Sounds hilarious to me!!!
I jotted it all down in my note book over a couple of months but I did make up the bit some bits just for fun.
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