I feel so guilty,
My loved one needs care,
More care than I can give.
I have given my all
And now I am suffering,
Suffering because I love her.
I have given her my all
And it is running out,
The tiredness is overwhelming
Taking my life from me,
That life which I have given,
Given to her
The most wonderful person in my world.
But she has changed,
Changed when dementia assaulted her.
I do everything for her
As she cannot do it herself,
And each day it gets harder,
And I get more and more tired,
Living one life can be hard,
Living two lives is impossible.
That time has come,
That time when my lover must go,
Go into a care home
Away from me.
She is already in her own world
And she has left mine,
The love of my life is no longer there.
My love for her will never fail,
I will always love her
And I know that we will meet,
Meet and be together again
When Our Spirits become one,
Become one once more,
As we sail together in our love
To infinity,
To infinity and beyond,
That love will never end.
But still I feel so guilty.
-
Author:
Goldfinch60 (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: July 12th, 2019 01:38
- Comment from author about the poem: Joyce,my wife and lover, is going into permanent care on Monday. Living with somebody who has dementia 24/7 is so hard and I have recently felt myself getting more and more unable to cope as I have to do everything for Joyce. It is now so hard. I feel guilty about her going into care but my friends who have seen me going down say that it is the best thing that can happen for both of us. It does not stop me feeling guilty though.
- Category: Sad
- Views: 17
Offline)
Comments8
A painful write to read, and for you (and others) to experience Gold. If you didn't care, maybe you would not feel any guilt at all. But then you would be uncaring and insensitive.
Who knows? Somehow the Lord's burden is easy, and His yoke is light, and other verses like that, yet...…..why some things? I don't know.
A friend tells me of his mum with dementia also, and their difficulties.
Thank you for your kind words Orchi, dementia is a pain in the proverbial for those who have to deal with those who have been struck down with it.
You know how I feel about you and your love for Joyce my friend and these words are a testimony to that unquestionable and undying love...
Neville
Thank you Neville, most kind.
My heart goes out to you dear friend at this terrible time of having to say you have become weary with living two lives - guilt is a heavy burden and I hope you will come to see you have no blame at all and that your Joyce will be well looked after by those know the efforts you made........keep that hope for your future together alive and you will feel lighter my friend.
Thank you Fay, yes it is hard but I have managed for some time now but unfortunately that time of coping has neared its end, all our friends tell me that I am doing the right thing.
I'm with Orchidee - such a painful read - I really don't know how I'd cope in those circumstances. One thing for sure: I have nothing but admiration for you and how you have coped - it is a credit to you and the love you share with Joyce.
Thank you Michael you are so kind. That love for Jopyce will never die.
Obligation or Guilt, it doesn't matter, are not the reason that should either motivate us or compel us. We should do it because we care, as have you been through these trying times.
But we also have to remember that all the love in our heart does not prepare or qualify us to provide the best care needed, and continuing on only drains us of our energy, awakening us in the process, impacting us in the interim.
Your love for Joyce does not lessened but actually strengthened because you realize that she can best cared by those more qualified.
So my friend, Guilt should not even enter such equation.
Thank you so much for your wise words Suresh, much appreciated.
Thanks for sharing & caring UNCLE ANDY ! Angela & I have used this beautiful Seekers Song (about each other) and it is a perfect Choice for Joyce ! Your memories remind you every day that *You never could find another JOYCE* The five lovely comments you have already received from our MPS FRIENDS bear testimony to just how much we love You & Joyce and what an inspiration your LOVE FOR JOYCE is to all of us. We have several Older Couples in or Church who have had to take the step you have just taken ~ with their Spouses ~ it is NEVER easy ! However if it is any consolation in every case (there are about FIVE) the demeanour of both parties has improved with time despite the initial INTENSE GUILT which you are now experiencing. There seems to be a number of important criteria ~ it is a field in which ANGELA has some experience !
1. You must ensure that the Rest Home you choose is appropriate and the very best you can afford !
2. That it is close enough for regular visits ~ and for Friends & Family to visit (if appropriate).
3. The loved one gets all the Physical (this is Angelas role as a Physio) and Medical Care & TLC that they need.
4. That one has fully invovled ones Family in the decision and that they are supportive.
5. That the situation is under constant review.
If its any consolation the Church based situations I have been involved in (as a Church Visitor and taking Communion etc) if the FIVE crierior are met then the *QUALITY OF LIFE* does improve for both Parties and the Guilt is replaced by Peace of Mind that one has made the right decision. Im not giving advice ~ Im just sharing my experience as a Church Worker and Angelas as a PHYSIO ~ OK. You are an inspiration to us both as an example of TRUE LOVE in Practice !
I should explain that in a Free Evangelical Church an Elder is authorised to take & conduct Communion for *shut ins* ~ People in Care Homes and *On Holiday* The ability to receive Communion is a great Blessing to many who cannot attend a Regular Church Service.
Blessings & Peace to YOU & JOYCE & YOUR FAMILY !
Love as always ANGELA & BRIAN 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
Thank you A and B. The care home that she is going to seemed to be buzzing when we looked at it, many activities are available. All five of your items are ongoing at the home so I am sure that all will be fine. The Manager and one of the Senior Carers came to see us a few days ago and they thought that Joyce would fit in very well there and are looking forward to seeing her. Everything seems to be positive.
Thnaks UNCLE ANDY we all know you would make the very best choice for your Beloved JOYCE ~ The guilt will begin to lift ~ we are all supporting you both ! The range of activities and level of TLC in some of the Care Homes is amazing. Our Organist (who married and Older Man) said when she visits Harold (93) in the care Home she often wicshes she could change Places He is so well caared for 24/7 !
Blessings & Peace for you & Joyce
Love as always ANGELA & BRIAN 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
I'm sorry for your pain, here. I have seen many of my relatives go into these places, including my mom, who would beg to go home with my father when he would start to leave for the day. It is heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you. 😥
Thank you Chagrined, your words are much appreciated.
Andy,
This is a painful read because as I read I realize that I will eventually have to make that very hard decision for my Aunt! I know she wants to remain in her home till the day she dies! It is becoming more difficult every single day!
A difficult and heartbreaking decision for you to have made, but we know that it is the best decision for both of you! My love and prayers are with you throughout this difficult process!
My love to Joyce and to you!❤️
~Laura~🌻
Thank you Laura yes it was a difficult decision but it is the right one otherwise we could both end up in a care home. Living 24/7 with somebody who has dementia becomes almost impossible over time and it has been a long time. My first poem about the change in Joyce was in 2012, it wasn't too bad then but in the last two to three years it has become so very very bad.
Thank you for your kind words.
Andy.
You’re welcome, Andy!
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