HUMAN DESIGN

Michael Edwards

 

 

 

HUMAN DESIGN

 

 

With simple additions to the human plan

you could soon enhance the performance of man

and to prove this I give some suggestions below.

Radical?  Yes. But here we go:

 

To see behind as well as ahead

an eye would be good in the back of the head

and in the event of a shortage disaster

egg whisks for arms would help you work faster.

 

Rotate an ear so it faces behind

for all round hearing and peace of mind

and turn the nose up or move it down south,

it’s not very nice just above the mouth.

 

Other ideas that come to mind

and would certainly benefit all mankind:

feet that can turn 360 degrees

coupled, of course with rotating knees

 

And as you get older why not add a

remote control for the leaking bladder,

and  here’s an idea to save on the washing:

self-cleaning buttocks would be a real blessing.

 

 

 

  • Author: Michael Edwards (Offline Offline)
  • Published: August 2nd, 2019 01:18
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 32
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Comments +

Comments9

  • Goldfinch60

    Good one Michael, the other thing we would need is a computer inside us even if it is just to remember names Bert.

    "In old age never walk passed a toilet!"

    • Michael Edwards

      Walk past a toilet?
      I never do
      Even a bush can be used as a loo
      When the prostrate is pressing
      Relief is a blessing

    • orchidee

      A fine write M. Also this? Some people seem to talk out of their.....rear end. Is their mouth located there?!

      • Michael Edwards

        There's not much point speaking through your rear end - those who do usually only speak a load of hot wind and their underpants muffle the words. Ask Bum Berles - he knows!

      • Neville

        I got such a soft spot for these Michael.. maybe we should all have one incorporated about us.. a kinda chuckle button..... I really and very truly enjoyed taking a peek inside ya head here... nice one and then some .... Neville

        • Michael Edwards

          Now a chuckle button is a great idea - we could add a 'Don't Talk To Me - I don't Like You' button as well.

          • Neville

            I'll have two brace of each, unless they are permanent fixtures .. N

          • orchidee

            Well, we got a light bulb that goes on in our head, and says 'IDEA!' Hope we don't blow a fuse.

            • Michael Edwards

              I can't always get the light bulb to work - where do I plug myself in?

              • orchidee

                You head go 'PING!' and a light come on?! There is a shop - a Light Berles shop, run by one of the Berles, I understand.

              • dusk arising

                It hasn't escaped me
                It's a bit of a farce
                But you finally invented
                A much improved arse

                Though i noticed you didnt
                Improve something silly
                Much better equipment
                So we don't feel so chilly.

                • Michael Edwards

                  Forgot a third arm - you could wrap presents without asking someone to hold the paper in place while you navigate the mysteries of sellotape.

                  • dusk arising

                    I couldn't thing of anything which rhymed with silly that needs improving.

                    • Michael Edwards

                      You could relocate the inaccessible willy
                      for its current location is really quite silly
                      Why on earth is it placed in the position it is
                      It's so inconvenient when you're wanting to piss
                      On the side of the hand would be good I'm guessing
                      And an extra finger would be quite a blessing.

                      • dusk arising

                        You could replace it where once was our nose
                        Disguised as one of five toes
                        Though it might get too tender
                        To survive influenza
                        Snot funny when the end of it glows

                        • Michael Edwards

                          We ought to develop these and do a joint publication - Oh no - that won't work - there's no joints in a willy.

                        • Fay Slimm.

                          Ha ha - - well we will see what can be done about radical changes to human design once the science-boys read these humorous lines - - I laughed aloud at the final stanza.........

                          • Michael Edwards

                            I have to admit the idea makes me smile as well. Thanks Fay.

                          • ANGELA & BRIAN

                            Thanks UNCLE MIKE very droll but its also very perceptive ! Japanese ROBOTS will have all the features you suggest & more ! However you will find many of yiour suggestions are already incorporated in the FLORA (which has antifreeze in Arctic Zones) and DESSERT RATS (who recycle all their water inwardly and never need to urinate !) When I was speaking to the KIDS @ Church about Creation I said *If GOD had of put our NOSES the other way up ~ Every time it rained we would drown ~ and every time we sneezed we would blow our HAT OFF ! Scouse humour I guess ! At least (as you say) S*O* would not run in our mouths ~ BUT one would have to stand on ones head to blow into ones hanky ~ and picking ones Nose would defy GRAVITY !

                            Blessings to YOU & YOURS
                            Yours BRIAN & ANGEL💙🧡💙

                            • Michael Edwards

                              Simply snot - err sorry - swap the nose and mouth round. You would have to get used to not putting your food up your nose though.

                            • FineB

                              Hello Michael,

                              An interesting write. Good stuff.

                              We certainly live in a world where IT and gadgets are taking over from man.

                              Keep writing FineB

                            • Suresh

                              I think all the variations were experimented, before settling on you as a model - HA!!!!!

                              So we have only you to blame



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