Fast the time passes,
fast it goes by.
I barely have time
to gaze at the sky.
I barely have time to see the petals,
nor hear the cry of clashing metals.
Summers' gone
and Winters' here.
Cold it is now,
as Jack Frost appears.
Soon goes our Winter, cold and mighty.
Out comes our Spring who laughs ever so lightly.
Months will arrive
and then disappear.
Following the circle
of each great year.
-
Author:
Anna (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: November 25th, 2010 17:56
- Comment from author about the poem: Um... This poem isn't very good. I just wanted to publish it because I liked the phrase "Out comes our Spring who laughs ever so lightly." So I have braced myself for the bad comments that you'll probably post.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 87
- Users favorite of this poem: Cheeky Missy, nikhilps, StormyDay, Emi, Vember-Reigh.
Offline)
Comments5
Oh no, I won't give you a poor mark for this one, for it is so good! Your favourite line is excellent in its poetic expression and the entirety is quite good as well. Frankly it reminds me of some of my old pieces and I do love this piece of yours very well!
Excellent....write more of this! What I might, if I may be so bold, is suggest you tamper with that favourite line to make its syllable count equal to the one above it....drop two syllables and keep the metre I think it might be anapestic(?) but don't quote me, and the couplet will flow smoothly.....it is a delightful piece in its rhythm and expression...well done, just needs a touch of editing to bring it to perfection! Another example is the concluding line which seems it could use an extra syllable for the line above it...so like you might alter "great" to say, "excellent"? or add another syllable somehow.... That's my poor uneducated opinion for what its worth. Mind you, I really like this piece!!!!
wow! its a good poem... u have the flow... and a feel in it... there r mistakes but.. don't mind it... bcoz it has a flow and a feel too... and i think u also love nature isn't it? i like this poem...
Thank you soooo much!~☺
Sometimes the simplest poems are the best. (Read for example, Fire and Ice, by Robert Frost. It is one of his most famous poems simply because of it's simplicity and appeal.) Your poem is fun, light-hearted, and flows wonderfully. The rhyme scheme works well with both the subject and structure of the poem. I haven't been a member of this site for very long yet, but what I've noticed is that the people here are not out to bash on your work--just the opposite. Everyone is so kind and considerate, and often very supportive and encouraging. If there's something they disagree with, they won't just tell you what you're doing wrong, they'll suggest ways to make it better. So please don't be afraid to post up what you might think is silly or childish, no one is going to silence that writer's voice in you.
ha ha i know time goes by to fast....!! good poem...
Awww this is amazing!!! I love it!! 🙂
Thnx! For your words and your rating! >.<
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