Emi

If Only I Had Known

I wanted to be alone,

Wasn’t that my dream?

I just wanted some space

Wasn’t that my scheme?

 

I wanted to leave you

Yet now I feel so bare

I thought I’d be happy

I thought I wouldn’t care

 

Solitude isn’t what I thought

I don’t feel free at all

Instead of flying high

I just jump and fall

 

I should have realized before

You meant the world to me

You were everything I wasn’t

Yet all I wanted to be

 

Loneliness cannot compare

To your love and kindness

Yet I am lonely without love

Forever cursing my blindness

 

For how could I have not seen?

It was forever in plain sight

I thought everything was wrong

But everything was right

 

I thought it was odious hate

That surged through my heart

When really it was love

That I felt from the start

 

A love that lasts forever

Through miles of storm and rain

Throughout being alone

And all of the hurt and pain

 

I miss you more than ever

Now that you’re gone for good

And I want to be with you

More than I probably should

 

But that’s impossible now

For I wanted to be alone

And that’s what I got

If only I had known

Comments3

  • Cheeky Missy

    Thought-provoking and again, very fascinating. It expresses the experience aptly, poignantly evoking a reminder of folly repented too late. We frequently realize our mistakes when it is too late unfortunately. One point I disagree on though, stanza 7, it could not have been but hatred that wanted the separation, seems to me. Now in the loss the speaker cannot but long impossibly for a renewal, but it was indeed odious hate that drove the dagger through. Love would not have done it. Self-love, mayhap craves the return for formerly detested affection, whereas true love never would have crushed it. There's my two bits, for whatever their worth. Anyway.

    • Emi

      Thank you. :) I see your point... Though perhaps it wasn't hatred, but rather anger? Self-love also sounds reasonable. But it seems like hate might not have been what caused it, for in my opinion, you cannot truly hate someone that you truly love.

      • Cheeky Missy

        That is the subtlety of self-love.....it can readily hate the lover, yet love and grieve the loss of affections caused by its own hatred. Therefore it will hate the lover and push them away, then miss their wonderful love and desire them back only for what the Self can get from that proffered love. If true love existed at all in the hypothetical situation here, it may be reckoned as true self-love on the speaker's part, as well as maybe true love lost from the recipient of the message. In other words the lost love may have truly loved, but the speaker only loved himself ("he/him" being the neuter pronoun when the gender is undetermined). So far as I can see. Thanks for your kind response and for discussing it with me.

      • Anna

        Oh my cheese.
        That was a very nice poem, I've always read about ones where someone leaves you, but now it's the other way around :P

        • Emi

          Haha thanks. :)

        • Hoween94

          wow! this poem reflects on my past, very inspiring poem. i love the way it is structured



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