I love HAIKU and for me the 17 SYLLABLE allocation imposes
a verbal constraint which is good for any poet ! However I
think the 5 7 5 pattern is a constraint too far and can lead to
lack of clarity. So The Society for Deconstructed English Haiku
decided (2010) that the 17 SYLLABLES could be arranged in any
order ~ and also that a soupcon of rhyme was permitted !
CARBOHYDRATES (5 4 5 3)
CARBS for energy
biscuits ~ bread ~ cakes
eat ~ enjoy ~ keep fit
between breaks !
FATS (8 4 5)
FATS give energy and flavor
haddock and chips
are mine to savor !
MINERALS (7 10)
IRON ~ I need every day
ZINC ~ CALCIUM ~ POTASSIUM ~ OK
VITAMINS (4 9 4)
My heart laments
Americans taking supplments
no need ~ just feed !
WATER (6 5 6)
WATER is essential
five glasses a day
to wash the booze away !
Thanks for visiting ~ comments welcome ~ Love BRIAN ~ XOX
I am on the list for decapitation by a SAMURI SWORD ~ Goodbyeeee !
-
Author:
BRIANSODES (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: May 9th, 2017 04:25
- Comment from author about the poem: In the UK most working adults (especially Poets) eat to live ~ we don't live to eat. Most working adults are not obese and (in general) we all get a "balanced diet" so we don't need SUPPLEMENTS which like DEODORANTS (shouldn't Humans scent like Humans not flowers and trees ?) are a marketing con and unessential ! So it is with HAIKU ! My Society for Deconstructed Haiku ~ likes to adhere to the "17 syllable limit" for verbal discipline but allows random rhyme pattern and rhymne ~ these are poems ! Comments welcome ~ but please be understanding and gentle ! Love to All ~ BRIAN XOX
- Category: Haiku
- Views: 104
Offline)
Comments6
Very important nutritional facts Brian. I love water, most of all. Salads and fruits are the best thing ever. So sorry about the list, though. Maybe bribe the Samurai with Saki? 🙂
Thanks HONEY ~ Yes in my experience the Japanese are much more particular and protective about JAPHAIKU than we are about BRITHAIKU. Members of MPS break all the rules especially the 17 SYLLABI RULE which for me is sacrosanct and the essence of a good HAIKU ! Also most are SENRYU (not about nature etc). Yes for Ladies (and Men) a Vegetarian Diet and plenty of Water would keep them beautiful for ever ! Healthy Hugs ~ BRIAN
Like a car with four wheels , why not five .
What looks like a good idea inside
Doesn't when it comes out live . Anyway why don't haikus grow hair . Then they could be called hairku . Banzai ! May the sword of life swing in your favor .
Gracias Amigo ~ Most cars have SIX wheels ~ four in contact with the road ~ one SPARE and another to STEER etc. For me it is the 17 syllabi that give the HAIKU its liturystical power ~ and not the 5 7 5 formation ~ OK ~ BRIAN
Ohh, the end of the world? MUST every Haiku be 5,7,5? We won't lose any sleep over it if they're not! Good write B.
Thanks STEVEN ~ I am pleased you support POETIC LICENCE ~ BRIAN
Some will say - what you up, deconstructing those Haikus?! heehee.
Not so sure about water
Why do folk drink water?
Water’s such a tasteless drink.
I much prefer coffee.
Do I qualify for the sword?
DANKE MICHAEL ~ Vasser is die trink auf den Gotten ~ OK Das ist warun GOTT ist 4 Billion jahre alt ~ OK Aufwiederehn PET
Mögen sie nicht den Wein ?
Sorry Brian but I am a bit of a pedant where Haiku are concerned. I believe that they SHOULD be 5-7-5 and that Haiku are specifically about the seasons or nature. The other 5-7-5 format is called senryu which relate to emotion.
As you know my poetry does not generally follow any rules but strangely haiku and senryu I believe should be written in they way and for the subjects they were meant.
Below are one each of my Haiku and Senryu.
Haiku
A single snowflake
Falls gently onto the grass
Unique hexagon
Senryu
Their love was so strong,
The strength of their love was lost,
Love became despair.
Thanks ANDY and as a supporter of classical poetry ~ I commend your defence ~ especially as you are the only one out of SEVEN to do so. My reason for deconstruction was to avoid "split sentences ~ you argument and examples seem to b saying "If you are writing English HAIKU (or SENRYU) you should only choose sentences that have 5 7 5 syllables to preserve the form and the sense. I accept that but it would limit my output and test my woirdmanship ! With JAPANESE HAIKU & SENRYU one is on much more sacred ground ! There is a VISUAL beauty in the script as well as an AURAL beauty in the sound and a MENTAL beauty in the meaning ~ and if thy are on rice paper there is GASTRONOMIC beauty in the taste ! Thnanks for your raasoned comment and positive examples. In reality I flew a FLAG ~ six of my Friends liked it and one took his axe to my flagpole ! BUT ~ I'm still your GOOD FRIEND ~ BRIAN
No axe intended, FRIEND BRIAN. FROM FRIEND ANDY.
Very good, Brian! I like these deconstructed Haiku very much. Yes we need to eat healthier as an American nation and stop with the supplements--agreed! More water and fruits and veggies! Great job! Hugs--Christina
Thanks CHRIS ~ As you know i love America (and Americans ! ) so it's only a gentle reprimand ! Thanks for your sweet reply ~ you are lovely ! Haiku Hugs ~ BRIAN
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