SUMMER BEDDING IS NOT AN OPTION
An adjunct to needs should be administered
enabling current ability divisionally directed
towards the constraints of budgetry beans
as advocated by mushroom scanning and embracing
valuable assistance in the frying of current hot issues.
This will assist in formulating fully the strategic stigmatics
for deployment of determinants of terminal tomatoes
with poached-egg partners acting in entrepreneurial
responses empowering and encompassing
multiple analysis of receding recessions
for non-compliant bids of leading proponents
and charm school scenarios whose sole capabilities
engage in a catalogue of long bacon slices
where system engagement without full embracement
of conceptualisations will falter in a mire
of failed sector sausages for you never can fit
a full English breakfast
in a multi-grain bap.
Michael Edwards © July 2017
-
Author:
Michael Edwards (
Offline) - Published: July 29th, 2017 00:06
- Comment from author about the poem: Whilst I love poetry that stretches and bends the language there is a limit beyond which poetry can become impenetratable through the authors desire to show off his/her knowledge of obscure language. There is a whole world of difference between understanding a poem which doesn't make sense and not understanding it at all. The whole purpose of poetry is to communicate and if it cannot be understood by the reader then there is surely little point in writing it in the first place. Despite this I see, from time to time, examples where the poet has used language which is completely beyond my understanding and, I would guess, beyond most other readers. I'm reminded of the suit of clothes worn by a certain Emperor................... This poem is a light hearted mickey-taking spoof of both this practice and the use of 'management speak' which, despite it being completely meaningless, will, I hope, at least give you a smile.
- Category: Unclassified
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Comments11
A smile it, indeed, stretched across my face like a highway through the endless wilderness. In all seriousness, great satirical write. At the end of it, I was left pondering, "What?" Then I read your explanation and it did, indeed, bring a smile to my face. Enjoyed it much!
Thanks so triange - if just one person appreciates it for what it is then it was worth posting. mind you it wasn't that easy to write - using such language was more difficult than I imagined but I did get there in the end.
I definitely smiled, but this mostly made me hungry. And I had a late dinner of breakfast foods.😋
Thanks Heather - I was up early as always but for you it must be time for bed - sleep tight.
Clever fun write, I shall run it up the flagpole and see if it gathers speed.
Thanks g - only gathers speed on the way down I'm afraid.
Yep, I understand this completely! Mind you, I've just had a sherry or three! But know what you mean, e.g. you seen those waste management operatives this week = dustmen?
Yes I've seen the Waste Management operatives Orchidee - they are now pursuing a cradle-to-grave approach by adopting a blue-sky waste regentrification programme.
And yet in my hymn-poems, I may use 'spiritual' or 'religious' words of necessity, hopefully not with the aim of making it all complicated though. It may not always be the words themselves, but the ideas, concepts, symbols, metaphors, etc, that the Biblical language uses, that may be complicated at times. If I paraphrase it too much, it comes across as 'trashy' I feel.
There's never a problem with your works Orchidee
Ohhhhhhhhhhh MICHAEL ~ You are my bestest friend ~ I thought I was the only one penning ODES in Scientific Gobbledegook but you have made my best efforts look like Comic Book Crap ! As with all ZEITGEIST you have left the subject of your excellent poem until the last DOUBLET & HOSE. This is a Problem we have long tackled in my Food Science Laboratory at College. Both a FULL ENGLISH and a CLASSIC MULTI GRAIN BAP are of a predetermined size therefore the obvious solution (To the non~Food Scientist) would be 1. Make the Breakfast smaller or 2. Make the Bap bigger. BUT ~ The laws of Food Science and the EEC ruling 0473267A (Baps & Breakfasts) permit neither of these bleedin' obvious solutions !. I presented this problem to Harriet Hobnob ~ one of my PhD students ~ and her brilliant solution (after three years hard labour) was STACKING ! She now has a prestigous job (£7 per hour) in McDonald's. The reason it took 3 years was first the concept to go VERTICAL (instead of horizontal as on a plate) to accommodate the smaller diameter of the BAP and secondly (and this was the tricky bit !) the order of the deconstructed FULL ENGLISH in the stack and thirdly the stability of the stack from KITCHEN to TABLE. McDonald's ~ Burger King ~ KFC ~ Wendy's etc have all TRIED & FAILED ! There can be NO COMPROMISE ! The Full English must contain BACON ~ EGG POACHED ~ MUSHROOMS ~ TOMATOES ~ SAUSAGE (suitably shaped for this experiment) and BAKED BEANS '(and NO HASH BROWNS !). The final order was Toasted Bap ~ Circle of Sausage ~ Egg (cooked to size) ~ Large circular Mushroom ~ Beans (inside mushroom) ~ Large circular slice of Tomato ~ Bacon cut to size ! ~ Toasted Bap The American way would be to "hard poach" the Egg and stick a skewer through the lot and serve ! BUT an English poached egg has to be runny (watch FOUR IN A BED) ! So to prevent "The Collapsing Tower of Full English" Harriet designed the Rigid Plastic Sleeve (She has received an Edible Nobel Prize for this) which encompassed the stack (and kept it upright) once it was stacked ~ Envisage this and APPLAUD ! Mission accomplished (you can do anything in a LABORATORY !) a FULL ENGLISH (Stable to the Table) on a standard MULTIGRAIN BAP ! BUT (and this is where Harriet earned her PhD & Nobel Prize) HOW DO YOU EAT IT ? Harriet's solution was to present the PLASTIC CONTAINED STACK on a HOT PLATE (OMG I'm reeling with amazement now) with a METAL Knife & Fork condiments and sauces and instructions ! Reconstruct FULL ENGLISH onto plate (see diagram) season to taste and eat with knife & fork like a Gentleman or Lady. NB This is not available at McDonald's etc but at WILL an' KATES DINER in Covent Garden ~ London ~ UK ! Stephen Hawkins has hailed it as the greatest Scientific Achievement of the 21st C ! ~ DOCTOR JOHN !
Wow - didn't know this problem had been the subject of so much prestigious research and development - how I would like to have been at Harriet's ceremony when she was awarded the prize. I know from my own experience when I received the Grand Order of Artistic Endeavour for my work in association with underwater basket weaving that it must have been a great occasion.
This read would make any mouth water my friend - ha - provided they understand all it implies. Loved this fun-write.
And no black pudding in sight - thanks Fay.
Couldn't wrap my brain around your poem, but get your point quite well. I concur ... a poem with verbiage beyond comprehension is a waste of effort on the part of both writer and reader. Thanks for the post, Michael.
Nor could I Louis - thanks for the comment.
Michael, this must be one of your greatest poems! Reminded me of the Clean Water Act, or any other Govt. regulation (you can take your own pick) that has to be read about five times just to understand the basics.
Yes, I do like it, yes, I am smiling, even chuckled at the terminal tomatoes.
Well done Fred - could you send me a PM explaining basics as I'm still a little confused 🙂 - I had to chuckle at a catalogue of long bacon slices.
The basics can maybe be explained by giving you the definition of the Swiss Military: "They wear funny clothes and don't know where they are going".
2 more comments
Fantastic sir !!!!!!!
Just bloody fantastic....
You are just too kind but thank you for such an accolade - I'm most touched
I'm glad I read the comment first.
You really served this one well
You meant without meaning to
I smiled without knowing why
One day I'll catch up, maybe!
Gee - I'd forgotten I'd written this bit of fun - I'm indebted to you for finding it and for your kind comment.
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