Goldie and Orchi at Hastings.

Goldfinch60

Nine hundred and fifty years ago,

On this very day ,

There we were, Orchi and I,

Sitting on Hastings beach,

Minding our own business,

Just eating some pork pies.

Me drinking my whisky,

WITHOUT WATER!

Orchi drinking his sherry.

I was trying to explain to Orchi

The meaning of

 Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia,

While He was trying to say

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

We looked out to sea,

There approaching were these boats

Loaded with men,

All had swords and spears,

And one had a bow and arrow.

Behind us horses were galloping,

They came to us on the beach.

Harold was there,

He asked if he could have a pie,

Orchi declined,

Saying “Pigs will fly

Before I release a pie!”

He pointed into the sky

And said to Harold,

“See that flying pig!”

I had always told Orchi

That pointing was rude,

And in this case,

It was dangerous!

As Harold fell from his horse

An arrow in his eye.

And that was the day

That Orchi said to me

“Give me a scotch, without water!”

Out of the kindness of my heart

I gave Orchi a SMALL scotch.

He fell to the ground

Shouting “Alas poor Yorick

I knew him well, fill up the walls

With your English dead Romeo”

From that day Orchi and context

Have never been the same,

And water always goes in his scotch.

  • Author: Goldfinch60 (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: September 21st, 2017 01:17
  • Comment from author about the poem: Some of you may be confused about Orchidee and my odd references to the Battle of Hastings or 1066. Orchi and I met on a different poetry site a few years ago and became friends. In the tales of our lives we always refer to us being older than time and have written many words in the passed about what we did throughout many ages, including when we had dinosaurs as pets! Apart from our warped sense of humour we are both serious Church goers and we have many private discussions about this. The main talking point to MPS though is the Battle of Hastings in 1066 whose nine hundred and fiftieth anniverary was October 14th 2016, that is when I put this poem on the other, now deceased, poetry site. Orchi and I hope you enjoy this.
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 67
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Comments10

  • orchidee

    Tee hee, we're barmy! lol.

  • Michael Edwards

    Wish I'd been there with you - on the other site that is - I was at the battle - I was tea boy. Love this piece and when I see daft humour I know all's well with the world.

    • Goldfinch60

      Thank you Michael, so very true about daft humour.
      It wasn't you putting water in my Scotch was it! You obviously had access to water!

      • Michael Edwards

        Yes that was another of my duties - latrine monitor!

      • FredPeyer

        You two guys are a riot! The Laurel and Hardy of MPS! Great write, enjoyed it!

        • Goldfinch60

          Thanks Fred, and thank you for the complement, Laurel and Hardy are superb.

          • FredPeyer

            So, which one of the two are you?

            • 2 more comments

          • Fay Slimm.

            Can just imagine the play for attention at that battle of Hastings between two good friends

            • Goldfinch60

              Thanks Fay, we did hide when they were looking for somebody to blame!

            • BRIAN & ANGELA

              1066 And all That ~ Another area of UK Homour which (like Cricket) baffles our Brethren across the Pond. I was UNCLE HAROLD'S dress adviser and having just acquired my FIRST HARLEY I advised him to wear a Crash Helmet with Vizor ! He replied ~ I want them to see the "WHITES O' ME EYES" ~ and they did !

              On his gravestone I wrote
              'AROLD on is ' ORSE
              with is 'AWK in is 'AND
              and a HARROW (he was well educated )
              in is HEYE ~ RIP

              Thanks for the memory BRIAN The BULLSHI**ER

              • Goldfinch60

                Thanks Brian we did notice you but took no notice of you just the same,

              • Seeker

                I must say I found this piece quite baffling and brilliantly funny. I love it. Bravo!!

                • Goldfinch60

                  Thank you Seeker, this is very English humour which I am glad that you appreciated.

                • orchidee

                  Will anyone ever guess our real ages, G/F?! Oohh, some other were there too then! heehee.

                  • Goldfinch60

                    Nobody can count up high enough to guess our ages.

                  • WL Schuett

                    Good humor I'm sure though I must admit I feel I'm missing something . Glad to see you having fun

                    • Goldfinch60

                      Thank you for your comment WL, it is our strange British sense of humour that some people just do not understand but yes we are having fun.

                    • malubotelho

                      I say it is a good humorous writing even though a don't understand it.

                      • orchidee

                        Ohh, it's us being daft Malu! Odd things that have somehow come together - 1066, pork pies, sherry, me adding water to whisky, etc. lol.

                        • malubotelho

                          Ok. I get it.

                          • 1 more comment

                        • dusk arising

                          Quote "mmm mmm another fine mess you've gotten me into orchi"
                          and what was harold steptoe doing on the beach anyway?

                          • Goldfinch60

                            Harold Steptoe was trying to avoid his father, Albert!



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