Comments received on poems by Ed Ward
Ode to Rain
Goldfinch60 said:
This is a good write and can stand on its own without any changes.
As has been seen the rules of writing poetry are not necessarily followed in these modern times, I certainly don\'t; I feel that it is more important to get the meaning of what you want to write rather than follow any code of writing.
May 5th, 2017 00:41
Goldfinch60 said:
This is a good write and can stand on its own without any changes.
As has been seen the rules of writing poetry are not necessarily followed in these modern times, I certainly don\'t; I feel that it is more important to get the meaning of what you want to write rather than follow any code of writing.
May 5th, 2017 00:41
Ode to Rain
Michael Edwards said:
Ed - a great attempt and clearly you have the ability to make great strides - all I can say is keep writing - I have sent a PM with a few suggested changes to provide metre and to address Brian\'s very excellent comments.
May 4th, 2017 14:26
Michael Edwards said:
Ed - a great attempt and clearly you have the ability to make great strides - all I can say is keep writing - I have sent a PM with a few suggested changes to provide metre and to address Brian\'s very excellent comments.
May 4th, 2017 14:26
Ode to Rain
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Welcome ED ~ thanks for your invite for positive critique ! Well you did ask ! Verse 1. Has Rhyme (aa bb) & Rhythm ~ syllable pattern 3444 ~ which is OK If I was writing this poem I would repeat the rhyme pattern (cc dd) ~ which you do !) in verse 2. but also the Rhythm Pattern (which you don\'t !) it is 5887 which is difficult to recite ~ I am a Performance Poet ! Even though V\'s 1 & 2 are quatrains it is OK to end with a doublet ! Again the rhyme pattern is consistent (ee) but the rhythm is different (66) It would have recited better if the final word had been singular RAINBOW ! You have some other half~rhymes RAINS & PAIN and PROUD & CLOUDS ~ Again i feel both rains and clouds could have been singular and NO HALF RHYMES ! Make those alterations and you will see it both reads & recites more POETICALLY. To learn more about Rhyme Patterns and Rhythm (meter) check any Sonnets and the poetry of JOHN BETJEMAN and ROBBIE BURNS. Most of my poems have a Classical Form (Anagrams ~ Pseudo Sonnets ~ Haiku etc) but please don\'t hoist me with my own petard ! What i have written ~ I have written ! I run Poetry Classes for Adults. Please accept my critique in good humour ~ OK ~ BRIAN (UK) Please check my poems ~ Thanks B.
May 4th, 2017 11:19
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Welcome ED ~ thanks for your invite for positive critique ! Well you did ask ! Verse 1. Has Rhyme (aa bb) & Rhythm ~ syllable pattern 3444 ~ which is OK If I was writing this poem I would repeat the rhyme pattern (cc dd) ~ which you do !) in verse 2. but also the Rhythm Pattern (which you don\'t !) it is 5887 which is difficult to recite ~ I am a Performance Poet ! Even though V\'s 1 & 2 are quatrains it is OK to end with a doublet ! Again the rhyme pattern is consistent (ee) but the rhythm is different (66) It would have recited better if the final word had been singular RAINBOW ! You have some other half~rhymes RAINS & PAIN and PROUD & CLOUDS ~ Again i feel both rains and clouds could have been singular and NO HALF RHYMES ! Make those alterations and you will see it both reads & recites more POETICALLY. To learn more about Rhyme Patterns and Rhythm (meter) check any Sonnets and the poetry of JOHN BETJEMAN and ROBBIE BURNS. Most of my poems have a Classical Form (Anagrams ~ Pseudo Sonnets ~ Haiku etc) but please don\'t hoist me with my own petard ! What i have written ~ I have written ! I run Poetry Classes for Adults. Please accept my critique in good humour ~ OK ~ BRIAN (UK) Please check my poems ~ Thanks B.
May 4th, 2017 11:19
Ode to Rain
orchidee said:
Good write. What age are you?
I\'m not a professional poet, but here\'s some comment - I feel you\'ve captured the contrast, ranging from negative \'Oh no, not rain again\' (1st verse), to positive: \'But we need rain sometimes\' (2nd verse).
Also, 2nd verse has a few more words, as if the \'positive\' is emphasised more than the \'negative\'.
Then the 3rd verse: 1st line seems to be the negative (not glow). The 2nd line seems to be the positive (make rainbows).
The 3rd verse sums up the poem in a nice summary.
This is what I think. Hope it helps!
May 4th, 2017 10:51
orchidee said:
Good write. What age are you?
I\'m not a professional poet, but here\'s some comment - I feel you\'ve captured the contrast, ranging from negative \'Oh no, not rain again\' (1st verse), to positive: \'But we need rain sometimes\' (2nd verse).
Also, 2nd verse has a few more words, as if the \'positive\' is emphasised more than the \'negative\'.
Then the 3rd verse: 1st line seems to be the negative (not glow). The 2nd line seems to be the positive (make rainbows).
The 3rd verse sums up the poem in a nice summary.
This is what I think. Hope it helps!
May 4th, 2017 10:51
