Comments received on poems by Jacob Bennett
Desperate
Aislinn Wilson said:
Weighty, but worth it. This was worth re-reading.
January 18th, 2018 11:33
Aislinn Wilson said:
Weighty, but worth it. This was worth re-reading.
January 18th, 2018 11:33
Ordinary
poelove said:
heyJacob, me again...your younger self was very depressing haha. I\'m reading this and thinking it is missing metaphor-for example you say I am stone perhaps the next verse could elaborate (what kind of stone?) you could be your younger self as a headstone on a grave looking out upon the visitors at a cemetary and relateing to your experience of being just like the other ordinary stones...this works well because in the first verse you imagine you are dead...just a thought..Metaphors are one of themajor keys to poetry. Check out some of my poetry and tell me what you think I only have a few poems so far but I would like your youthful input...peace
January 4th, 2018 07:13
poelove said:
heyJacob, me again...your younger self was very depressing haha. I\'m reading this and thinking it is missing metaphor-for example you say I am stone perhaps the next verse could elaborate (what kind of stone?) you could be your younger self as a headstone on a grave looking out upon the visitors at a cemetary and relateing to your experience of being just like the other ordinary stones...this works well because in the first verse you imagine you are dead...just a thought..Metaphors are one of themajor keys to poetry. Check out some of my poetry and tell me what you think I only have a few poems so far but I would like your youthful input...peace
January 4th, 2018 07:13
Float
poelove said:
another good poem I liked the theme yet I must say again your poetry would flow better without so many (the) example:
\" Between Lines
Between lies
every wandering
Faceless cry\"
Or in some cases instead of (the) try another word
\"Balancing act
Upon (thick) wire
To step between
All the liars\"
Thats not to say don\'t use (the)...I use it to death but rather try other options before you commit it to paper...The reason I bring this up is only because I can see the imagination in your poetry and am just trying to help you enhance and grow with it I had likewise been helped with my poetry when I was your age and am an avid believer that poetry sites should be places of learning not just vanity.. again nice poem i hope you dont think I am too bothersome...Peace
January 2nd, 2018 19:02
poelove said:
another good poem I liked the theme yet I must say again your poetry would flow better without so many (the) example:
\" Between Lines
Between lies
every wandering
Faceless cry\"
Or in some cases instead of (the) try another word
\"Balancing act
Upon (thick) wire
To step between
All the liars\"
Thats not to say don\'t use (the)...I use it to death but rather try other options before you commit it to paper...The reason I bring this up is only because I can see the imagination in your poetry and am just trying to help you enhance and grow with it I had likewise been helped with my poetry when I was your age and am an avid believer that poetry sites should be places of learning not just vanity.. again nice poem i hope you dont think I am too bothersome...Peace
January 2nd, 2018 19:02
Float
poelove said:
another good poem I liked the theme yet I must say again your poetry would flow better without so many (the) example:
\" Between Lines
Between lies
every wandering
Faceless cry\"
Or in some cases instead of (the) try another word
\"Balancing act
Upon (thick) wire
To step between
All the liars\"
Thats not to say don\'t use (the)...I use it to death but rather try other options before you commit it to paper...The reason I bring this up is only because I can see the imagination in your poetry and am just trying to help you enhance and grow with it I had likewise been helped with my poetry when I was your age and am an avid believer that poetry sites should be places of learning not just vanity.. again nice poem i hope you dont think I am too bothersome...Peace
January 2nd, 2018 19:01
poelove said:
another good poem I liked the theme yet I must say again your poetry would flow better without so many (the) example:
\" Between Lines
Between lies
every wandering
Faceless cry\"
Or in some cases instead of (the) try another word
\"Balancing act
Upon (thick) wire
To step between
All the liars\"
Thats not to say don\'t use (the)...I use it to death but rather try other options before you commit it to paper...The reason I bring this up is only because I can see the imagination in your poetry and am just trying to help you enhance and grow with it I had likewise been helped with my poetry when I was your age and am an avid believer that poetry sites should be places of learning not just vanity.. again nice poem i hope you dont think I am too bothersome...Peace
January 2nd, 2018 19:01
Herd
poelove said:
enjoyed your thought process, frankly i just started to publish on this site and it\'s nice to see some outside the box thinking. If i may offer one point of critism i dont believe you need to use too many articles In your poem for example \"The animals still believe\" would have worked just as well without the (THE) as in \"Animals still believe\" Or \"Thier wooden stalls\" perhaps just\" Wooden stalls\" or \"locked away the animals\" try it with \"Locked away animals\" Just some food for thought, again let me say I enjoyed reading your poem.
December 21st, 2017 07:22
poelove said:
enjoyed your thought process, frankly i just started to publish on this site and it\'s nice to see some outside the box thinking. If i may offer one point of critism i dont believe you need to use too many articles In your poem for example \"The animals still believe\" would have worked just as well without the (THE) as in \"Animals still believe\" Or \"Thier wooden stalls\" perhaps just\" Wooden stalls\" or \"locked away the animals\" try it with \"Locked away animals\" Just some food for thought, again let me say I enjoyed reading your poem.
December 21st, 2017 07:22
Herd
orchidee said:
Good write Jacob. Yes, the herd instinct is OK for animals. Yet in a way, spiritually speaking, we humans are all as \'sheep\'.
December 21st, 2017 03:05
orchidee said:
Good write Jacob. Yes, the herd instinct is OK for animals. Yet in a way, spiritually speaking, we humans are all as \'sheep\'.
December 21st, 2017 03:05
Herd
Michael Edwards said:
Read this and enjoyed it then I read your comments and saw it in a different light - great work Jacob.
December 21st, 2017 01:56
Michael Edwards said:
Read this and enjoyed it then I read your comments and saw it in a different light - great work Jacob.
December 21st, 2017 01:56
Lights
Seeker said:
My soul too has ached Jacob. I find poetry is a good sop for an aching soul. Great write.
December 20th, 2017 10:52
Seeker said:
My soul too has ached Jacob. I find poetry is a good sop for an aching soul. Great write.
December 20th, 2017 10:52
Ordinary
orchidee said:
That\'s OK, plenty of folk are ordinary. You\'re not dead because of it!
December 20th, 2017 04:25
orchidee said:
That\'s OK, plenty of folk are ordinary. You\'re not dead because of it!
December 20th, 2017 04:25
Lights
orchidee said:
You turned that light on now? You seeing now?! (heehee). Good write Jacob.
December 20th, 2017 04:23
orchidee said:
You turned that light on now? You seeing now?! (heehee). Good write Jacob.
December 20th, 2017 04:23
