Into My Church I strode,
Walked down towards the cross,
I looked up at it and shouted,
Shouted “WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU!!”
“Why have you taken her from me,
Her broken body is still there
But her mind has been taken,
My wife has been taken
By this f*****g dementia;
I pray to you,
She prays to you,
As she has all her life,
As I have all my life.
All her long life she has praised you,
Sung your praises,
Helped others,
Been there for us all,
But now she is gone,
You have taken her from us.
Are you really there?
Or is all this ‘Christian God will save you lark’
Just a charade to give you a laugh,
To make people follow a falsehood.
My Faith is strong in My Spirit,
I have been touched by it,
But it is not the Christian way,
The Spirit is with all people.
The Christian God will help all,
Supposedly,
Help all if you pray to it;
But we pray,
Things only get worse.
If you are so good
Why do you not hear us
As my wife and my life
Sink deeper in hell,
The hell of her dementia.
WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU!!”
-
Author:
Goldfinch60 (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: November 18th, 2018 02:50
- Comment from author about the poem: I know that many of you will disagree with these words but what you need to realise is that I used to be a Chaplain and have preached the Christian Gospel and answered many questions of belief, my belief in My Spirit is there but I am losing (lost) faith in the Christian principal of praying to the Christian God will make all things right. Just live with somebody who has dementia and is getting worse every day and see how you Christian feelings feel then. Sorry for the rant but it is the way I feel at the moment. Yes I did swear at the cross on Friday.
- Category: Sad
- Views: 58
Offline)
Comments5
Thinking of you both still. I struggle to not give some 'pat' comment here.
Well, in my less troubled life than some folk, one main reason for missing church is likely to be the weather.
Some say they find comfort, etc in going, but for some it's the opposite.
I smile sweetly at times, and the usual 'I'm OK' if someone asks 'How are you?' even if I'm not OK.
See, now I will post yet another hymn-poem I suppose. I hope they are true of my faith, and not only 'pieces of poetry'.
When I was a Chaplain i used the 'pat' answers sometimes, I have heard them all and probably used them.
Your poems are not just pieces of poetry they convey the Faith that you have in God.
O UNCLE ANDY : My Spanish Heart weeps for You and Joyce and I pray for you 24/7 for both RELEASE & PATIENCE ! When we rail at GOD he is never offended because it is a sign that we believe He can do a Miracle and He can lift us up. I CAN EMPATHISE : I have seen the scourge of DEMENTIA in my own Extended Family and some of my Clients : especially Home visits : some have DEMENTIA (or their Partner) and I experience their sorrow & anger first hand. Your devotion to JOYCE has been a great inspiration to BRIAN & I because neither of us know what we will have to face in 30 or 40 years time. Stay close to GOD and He will direct your paths. Rest assured that neither Brian or I are shocked or offended by you outburst : it just makes us love JOYCE & Yourself even more : AMEN
Prayers : Love & Blessings ANGELA & BRIAN 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
Love JOHNNY CASH : Great Poet & Singer : Great Humanitarian & Christian may he & June RIP : AMEN
Thank you A and B for your caring and understanding, it is much appreciated.
When working I was told by the Hospital Chaplain that I would at some time in my life find God or turn towards him. I nearly lost my dear Jeanne 6 years ago when she had a 1 in 5 chance of surviving radical cancer surgery - she is still with me and in total remission. I have just survived cardiac arrest only a few days ago. Despite all this I still have to experience the prophesy of the Chaplain. That is not to say that I don't recognise and sympathise with the position you are in Andy - My heart feels for you and this fine write puts it all in perspective.
I am so glad that Jeanne and you are both ok, belief is a very personal thing and my belief in the Christian God is being sorely pressured at the moment.
Thank you for your understanding Michael.
Feel for you and pray for you during this difficult time!! I don't pretend to know what it is you are going through.--Christina
Thank you Christina, much appreciated.
Andy,
Your write is truly heartbreaking! I can empathize with your frustration! I’m with my aunt at the moment! She had hip surgery! Everything was going well until four days ago! She fell while going to the WC! I was right in the next room. She didn’t call me to help her. She did not want to disturb me...she said. It would’ve been better if she had! She injured her back! The pain is unbearable! She screams most of the times...night and day! I feel helpless. I wish I could make it better for her!
She’s a devout Catholic...but let me tell you, she has been cursing her God like never before! I never heard her so against Him! I never heard her curse till now! She implores Him to take her out of her misery! I wish I could do more for her. I wish I could take her pain away! There’s not much more I can do! I talk to her constantly to distract her from her suffering! It works for a little while! Then her wailing and moaning take over! Very frustrating! Patience (on my part) must prevail!
So I have some understanding of your situation! What you do for Joyce is immeasurable! You are truly an amazing man!
My love to Joyce and to you!
~Laura~
Thank you for your kind words.
Your aunt must be in so much pain that it has almost broken her Faith as Joyce's dementia has done to me, but Her Spirit will be with her as My Spirit is with me.
Andy
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