Old Guy In Pub

kitcat

 

 


Sitting here alone with a pint in my hand

No one is coming near me I cant understand 

Maybe because earlier I fell to the floor

People just do not want to know me anymore

 

Do not think I am abusive or really rude

Maybe at times I can be a bit crude

That is me I'm old and I really do not care

Think I'll chat up that lady over there

 

I stagger over but she is playing darts

Just as well I let out one massive fart

Its all the beer accumulated inside of me

I am human after all as you will see

 

I order another pint maybe my last

Chatting up this lady will be a hard task

Looking through blurred vision I seem alright

My aim is to take this lady home with me tonight

 

I chance my luck stagger over for a chat

She looks from afar like I am some bog rat

I am now not too sure about all of this

Really am breaking my neck for a piss

 


I walk over to her like a proud man

Holding my belly in as tight as I can

I brace myself and think of a good line

"Sit your arse down for a glass of wine"

 

Looking at me with disgust and shame

she points at my trousers at the wet stain

No bladder control age is not on my side

Gone have them years where I had some pride

 

I walk away clutching my beer to my chest

Feeling puzzled looking at the hole in my vest

On the way to the loo I bang my head on the door

One good thing though I didn't fall to the floor

 


I blow my nose but I cannot understand

Why most of the snot is somehow over my hand

I wipe it on my trousers no one will know

Somehow its the only place it will go

 

My snobby lady makes her exit through the door

I do wave to her but Oops I fall to the floor

Somehow my teeth are now stuck to my shoe

Pop them back and smile what else can I do?

 

My wonky eye is now tired and sore

Could force myself to have one more

Than I shall be in the land of nod

Yes I know what your thinking I'm a knob

  • Author: Elaine (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: April 23rd, 2018 13:59
  • Comment from author about the poem: Please do not think I am taking the mick out of old people, I am certainly not This character was like someone I knew years ago, I thought the world of him
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 48
  • Users favorite of this poem: kevin browne, Noah
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Comments +

Comments11

  • Michael Edwards

    I think many of us have known or know of someone like this. The old guy I remember seemed unable to shave himself properly and as a result had cuts and nicks and tufts of beard which he seemed to consistently miss with the razor. The bit that makes it more poignant is that he was probably younger than I am now. Enjoyed your write Elaine.

    • kitcat

      Thank you Michael for your lovely comment means a lot Ha ha your right about the beard its funny really as he was like that, and I doubt he was younger than you then, he was about 70 odd lovely man though

      • Michael Edwards

        Bless you Kitcat - I am still active, exercising daily, a follower of modern fashion, no health problems, an active artist who exhibits and sells widely (watercolours acrylic, - abstract as well as representational - and sculptures) , a poet, an avid gardener, and still travelling extensively. I guess this all keeps ne young _ I'm actually 75 but don't tell anyone lol 🙂

        • Lorna

          You're forever young Michael.......... never pin a number on a sage........

          • kitcat

            Michael I meant to answer you yesterday
            You are definitely a man of many talents I admire you.
            You must work very hard and put all your heart and soul into everything you do I bet you do very well and so you should
            Looking at your photo your looking good and pleased you have no health issues You haven't got time Bless you

          • kevin browne

            ah, good old pub life summed up perfectly here in your great expression of it. I'll buy you a beer for that one.

            • kitcat

              Aww Thank you Kevin for you lovely comment Oh! Lovely A beer 🙂 Oh and I just noticed You have saved it as one of your favourites Thank you so much

            • BRIAN & ANGELA

              Thanks KITKAT ~ I'm only 35 but it is warning many MEN don't grow old gracefully ! My DAD who I take after is 71 and now that he is retired I can see some of the symptoms you mention. Chatting up ladies when my Mum is not present ~ Passing wind ~ Lack of control of water works after 3 pints etc. But to me He is still GOD cos He's MY DAD and I'll be old too some day Thanks for sharing ~ Yours BRIAN Please check my poems & FUSION GOOD HABITS ~ BAD HABITS Thanks B.

              • kitcat

                Hello Brian Thanks very much for your great comment as you know means so much to me
                So you have a dad like that ah great and of course he is your God and you just dont know how you are going to be at 71 of course could be just like your dad ha ha Thanks again and I will take a look at your good habits ~ bad habits :-))

              • onepauly

                a work of art!

                • kitcat

                  Thank you so much Paul your lovely comment made me really smile

                • kitcat

                  Hello Tepo Ha ha your funny Thank you for your lovely compliment

                • Noah

                  Only a couple lines in and I hit the favorite button haha

                • kitcat

                  Hello Noah Ah thank your such a star 🤗

                • Goldfinch60

                  Great write, I have seen these 'old guys' in the pub but they were always worth talking to. I, like Michael, am one of the 'old guys' being seventy this year but I too am still active, writing poetry and singing in three choirs and of course looking after my wife.

                • kitcat

                  Hello Goldfinch Thank you for a lovely comment You do sound like Michael very active (nothing like him in the poem ha ha) Your both talented men and I admire you both for that, I love choirs. You also look after your wife, which I know is hard work, being an ex carer myself Bless you

                • Lorna

                  Hi kitcat - and all this is especially understandable when you watch someone slowly progress to this point! Sometimes you just look up and say "where did he go?"

                • kitcat

                  Hi Lorna You are so right Really does take all sorts Thank you for commenting



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