Comments received on poems by myself and me
A Day Without Blue
Stephen.Sapaugh said:
I think that you have written an upbeat poem, and done a lot of good in it. However, there might be too much good. Using imagery constantly without giving a break to the reader overwhelms us. But, I guess you need consider that when times are blue we might need something like that. This poem has brightened my Dark day, and the last six lines are done very well. I think if you wanted to write more poems with the first stanza you could get a lot of poems out of it. You use a lot of phrases in short order, and I would love to see six poems written from your first six lines. Maybe explain how each of these things make you feel better when you experience them, and contrast them with the blue feeling you have.
This was a trick of Robert Frost, and you are doing the same as him.
Keep writing, and keep lifting us out of the blue premordeal abyss.
July 21st, 2017 12:58
Stephen.Sapaugh said:
I think that you have written an upbeat poem, and done a lot of good in it. However, there might be too much good. Using imagery constantly without giving a break to the reader overwhelms us. But, I guess you need consider that when times are blue we might need something like that. This poem has brightened my Dark day, and the last six lines are done very well. I think if you wanted to write more poems with the first stanza you could get a lot of poems out of it. You use a lot of phrases in short order, and I would love to see six poems written from your first six lines. Maybe explain how each of these things make you feel better when you experience them, and contrast them with the blue feeling you have.
This was a trick of Robert Frost, and you are doing the same as him.
Keep writing, and keep lifting us out of the blue premordeal abyss.
July 21st, 2017 12:58
Black Coffee
Christina8 said:
I can\'t relate on love tasting bitter but I do enjoy coffee quite a bit. A very good poem you have here! Well done!
July 16th, 2017 17:21
Christina8 said:
I can\'t relate on love tasting bitter but I do enjoy coffee quite a bit. A very good poem you have here! Well done!
July 16th, 2017 17:21
Without You
FredPeyer said:
Between the well written lines I can feel the longing....
July 14th, 2017 17:53
FredPeyer said:
Between the well written lines I can feel the longing....
July 14th, 2017 17:53
Without You
Nicholas Browning said:
Separation from a loved one is a difficult thing to endure. Good work.
July 14th, 2017 15:15
Nicholas Browning said:
Separation from a loved one is a difficult thing to endure. Good work.
July 14th, 2017 15:15
Without You
burning-embers said:
yes, that feeling of great loss take the zest out of everything and colours diappear. All that matters is the one in your focus. Good writing
July 14th, 2017 15:12
burning-embers said:
yes, that feeling of great loss take the zest out of everything and colours diappear. All that matters is the one in your focus. Good writing
July 14th, 2017 15:12
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