Comments received on poems by Garry
I Looked Away
Goldfinch60 said:
Good message, each moment in our lives is precious grab them with both hands.
March 30th, 2017 08:15
Goldfinch60 said:
Good message, each moment in our lives is precious grab them with both hands.
March 30th, 2017 08:15
I Looked Away
B.rod said:
Wow this just makes you appreciate those things in life and to not take anything for granted.
March 30th, 2017 07:11
B.rod said:
Wow this just makes you appreciate those things in life and to not take anything for granted.
March 30th, 2017 07:11
I Looked Away
Michael Edwards said:
Great message - original and absorbing read - nice one Garry
March 30th, 2017 06:08
Michael Edwards said:
Great message - original and absorbing read - nice one Garry
March 30th, 2017 06:08
You Were, and Now You\'re Not.
Garry said:
No the poem was meant to a present for Mother\'s day. Well i couldnt give her this, or the previous attempt. It\'s not autobiographical it just developed a life of it\'s own.
Our daughters got her the chocolate. I got her some flowers.
It was meant to be happy poem, but.... A darker vetsion turned up which i much preferred. This happens a lot I wrote a \'comedy\' poem and it ended up hinting at cruelty and abuse. I blame some of the books i read.
March 29th, 2017 03:39
Garry said:
No the poem was meant to a present for Mother\'s day. Well i couldnt give her this, or the previous attempt. It\'s not autobiographical it just developed a life of it\'s own.
Our daughters got her the chocolate. I got her some flowers.
It was meant to be happy poem, but.... A darker vetsion turned up which i much preferred. This happens a lot I wrote a \'comedy\' poem and it ended up hinting at cruelty and abuse. I blame some of the books i read.
March 29th, 2017 03:39
You Were, and Now You\'re Not.
WriteBeLight said:
I can relate. I have been on both sides of this situation. Love does conquer all. Time does heal. We all are going through our daily routines and try to juggle life, family and work and try to squeeze in some room for ourselves. Let the chocolates go. Do not buy anything. Just let the time pass. A poem would be nice, but sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Nothing to feel good or sorry about in the morning. Maybe a double-edged sword. But, just breathe and be silent. :)
March 28th, 2017 18:26
WriteBeLight said:
I can relate. I have been on both sides of this situation. Love does conquer all. Time does heal. We all are going through our daily routines and try to juggle life, family and work and try to squeeze in some room for ourselves. Let the chocolates go. Do not buy anything. Just let the time pass. A poem would be nice, but sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Nothing to feel good or sorry about in the morning. Maybe a double-edged sword. But, just breathe and be silent. :)
March 28th, 2017 18:26
You Were, and Now You\'re Not.
Garry said:
The chocolate is for my lovely wife, she was going to get a poem but this got a bit scary at the end. She needs something nicer. In the meantime, chocolate it is.
March 28th, 2017 14:54
Garry said:
The chocolate is for my lovely wife, she was going to get a poem but this got a bit scary at the end. She needs something nicer. In the meantime, chocolate it is.
March 28th, 2017 14:54
You Were, and Now You\'re Not.
Tristan Robert Lange said:
Great write! Indeed there is nothing worse than have the \"light at the end of the tunnel\" disappear after the proverbial end of the tunnel collapses. Sorry to hear that! Certainly, treat yourself to some chocolate! ;)
March 28th, 2017 14:38
Tristan Robert Lange said:
Great write! Indeed there is nothing worse than have the \"light at the end of the tunnel\" disappear after the proverbial end of the tunnel collapses. Sorry to hear that! Certainly, treat yourself to some chocolate! ;)
March 28th, 2017 14:38
You Were, and Now You\'re Not.
Tony36 said:
Great write, chocolate sounds good
March 28th, 2017 14:24
Tony36 said:
Great write, chocolate sounds good
March 28th, 2017 14:24
One Day;Maybe
Garry said:
I was in Blyth, a town on the coast in the NE of Egland just north of Newcastle recently and as i past a lamppost a wooden Pillar next to it started to speak.
It didn\'t say. \" hello\". It was some sort of movement activated art work that talked about fishing nets. Not a conversation i had predicted.
March 28th, 2017 11:33
Garry said:
I was in Blyth, a town on the coast in the NE of Egland just north of Newcastle recently and as i past a lamppost a wooden Pillar next to it started to speak.
It didn\'t say. \" hello\". It was some sort of movement activated art work that talked about fishing nets. Not a conversation i had predicted.
March 28th, 2017 11:33
Forgotten Dreams
Garry said:
Done, just a few punctuation glitches but i can live with that.
Thank you all again for taking the time to comment., much appreciated.
March 27th, 2017 06:39
Garry said:
Done, just a few punctuation glitches but i can live with that.
Thank you all again for taking the time to comment., much appreciated.
March 27th, 2017 06:39
One Day;Maybe
WriteBeLight said:
Makes me think of the line, \"Between you, me and the lamp post.\" Phil\'s interpretation is interesting, I agree.
March 27th, 2017 02:10
WriteBeLight said:
Makes me think of the line, \"Between you, me and the lamp post.\" Phil\'s interpretation is interesting, I agree.
March 27th, 2017 02:10
One Day;Maybe
Garry said:
Cartainly strangers tend not to strike up conversations in the street in Manchester, though it does happen.
March 26th, 2017 21:50
Garry said:
Cartainly strangers tend not to strike up conversations in the street in Manchester, though it does happen.
March 26th, 2017 21:50
One Day;Maybe
Augustus said:
Fascinating subject matter. I am from the south USA and complete strangers will say hi and strike up a conversation. Perhaps you were feeling like you were like a post and everybody ignored you save for the dogs which took the opportunity to relieve themselves. Nicely done. I also relate to the \"wonder what I was thinking 20 years ago when I wrote this\".
March 26th, 2017 21:41
Augustus said:
Fascinating subject matter. I am from the south USA and complete strangers will say hi and strike up a conversation. Perhaps you were feeling like you were like a post and everybody ignored you save for the dogs which took the opportunity to relieve themselves. Nicely done. I also relate to the \"wonder what I was thinking 20 years ago when I wrote this\".
March 26th, 2017 21:41
One Day;Maybe
MendedFences27 said:
Oh oh, Big Brother is watching and talking. Your poem conveys a sense of loneliness, with wanting to talk with a lamp post. Interesting write none the less. Humorous at one point, being concerned about dogs, but can we really expect to have conversations with inanimate objects. I see an intrusion of privacy. Did like the manner in which the poem was presented. - Phil A.
March 26th, 2017 18:58
MendedFences27 said:
Oh oh, Big Brother is watching and talking. Your poem conveys a sense of loneliness, with wanting to talk with a lamp post. Interesting write none the less. Humorous at one point, being concerned about dogs, but can we really expect to have conversations with inanimate objects. I see an intrusion of privacy. Did like the manner in which the poem was presented. - Phil A.
March 26th, 2017 18:58
Things That Make Me Smile
Garry said:
Hadn\'t thought of that one. To be honest getting content for this was easy,
bird song drifting from the ttres
Snow on distant mountains
Sausages sizzling on an open fire.
And loads more.
The problem was keeping the flow and stopping it getting too long.
I actually posted it before it was finished. I was experimenting with a real time poem but it all went wrong. By the time. I realisedthis and went back to delete it, it had been commented on so i just made a few changes and left it.
Perhaps a fusion poem?
March 25th, 2017 03:31
Garry said:
Hadn\'t thought of that one. To be honest getting content for this was easy,
bird song drifting from the ttres
Snow on distant mountains
Sausages sizzling on an open fire.
And loads more.
The problem was keeping the flow and stopping it getting too long.
I actually posted it before it was finished. I was experimenting with a real time poem but it all went wrong. By the time. I realisedthis and went back to delete it, it had been commented on so i just made a few changes and left it.
Perhaps a fusion poem?
March 25th, 2017 03:31
Things That Make Me Smile
Goldfinch60 said:
Good fun write, you forgot bacon frying in the pan.
March 25th, 2017 01:29
Goldfinch60 said:
Good fun write, you forgot bacon frying in the pan.
March 25th, 2017 01:29
Things That Make Me Smile
MendedFences27 said:
\"Fresh bread baking,\" is number one on my list.Yum. Used to pass a bakery when I was young, and he\'d sell small loaves for a nickel. Now I\'m hungry. Thanks a lot. A very nice poem with a cheery side. Made me smile. - Phil A.
March 24th, 2017 20:00
MendedFences27 said:
\"Fresh bread baking,\" is number one on my list.Yum. Used to pass a bakery when I was young, and he\'d sell small loaves for a nickel. Now I\'m hungry. Thanks a lot. A very nice poem with a cheery side. Made me smile. - Phil A.
March 24th, 2017 20:00
Things That Make Me Smile
Garry said:
Certainly couldn\'t see Keith Richards on a moped , even though he\'s not large.
March 24th, 2017 18:00
Garry said:
Certainly couldn\'t see Keith Richards on a moped , even though he\'s not large.
March 24th, 2017 18:00
Things That Make Me Smile
Garry said:
Yeah, i thought it might be a bit dark for them. Hey ho. They do make me smile though , but it\'s not malicious.
March 24th, 2017 16:35
Garry said:
Yeah, i thought it might be a bit dark for them. Hey ho. They do make me smile though , but it\'s not malicious.
March 24th, 2017 16:35
The Morning After.
JustABird said:
It was definitely a good start for something romantic but I like the twist. I love how even the most loving of encounters can last for just a moment. But you had that moment and you can keep it as a good memory long after it\'s ended. Another nice poem.
March 24th, 2017 08:37
JustABird said:
It was definitely a good start for something romantic but I like the twist. I love how even the most loving of encounters can last for just a moment. But you had that moment and you can keep it as a good memory long after it\'s ended. Another nice poem.
March 24th, 2017 08:37
Forgotten Dreams
Garry said:
I\'m away from home at the moment with intermittent internet access , but thanks for the helpful comments. I am clear in my mind about the poem now, as much as I ever am, and will update it when I\'m back on line.
March 23rd, 2017 04:34
Garry said:
I\'m away from home at the moment with intermittent internet access , but thanks for the helpful comments. I am clear in my mind about the poem now, as much as I ever am, and will update it when I\'m back on line.
March 23rd, 2017 04:34
Forgotten Dreams
Garry said:
Thank you. Very helpful and reassuring. I do like my poems to have flow and rhythm.
March 23rd, 2017 04:32
Garry said:
Thank you. Very helpful and reassuring. I do like my poems to have flow and rhythm.
March 23rd, 2017 04:32
Forgotten Dreams
Michael Edwards said:
Only just come across this - encouraged to look at your work after your kind comments on my latest posting. I have to agree with everything that\'s been said - the last two lines (without the parentheses) are just perfect. I did look at alternatives to the words \'and everywhere\' but couldn\'t find anything that would sustain the same metre so leave as is.
March 23rd, 2017 00:27
Michael Edwards said:
Only just come across this - encouraged to look at your work after your kind comments on my latest posting. I have to agree with everything that\'s been said - the last two lines (without the parentheses) are just perfect. I did look at alternatives to the words \'and everywhere\' but couldn\'t find anything that would sustain the same metre so leave as is.
March 23rd, 2017 00:27
The Airman
JustABird said:
You\'re so good at painting a picture with your words. I envy that.
March 22nd, 2017 18:50
JustABird said:
You\'re so good at painting a picture with your words. I envy that.
March 22nd, 2017 18:50
Forgotten Dreams
JustABird said:
Wow. I absolutely love this. The descriptions are so vivid and it really puts you there, in the house. Whether the house is actually a house or some roped off part of the mind that\'s been given up on. And I think \"sour\" works fine. Decay does smell sour and being left behind from losing interest or giving up on something, there would be a kind of decay even if it\'s metaphorical so it still fits. I\'m no expert but I think your words are perfect and you shouldn\'t change a thing.
March 22nd, 2017 18:49
JustABird said:
Wow. I absolutely love this. The descriptions are so vivid and it really puts you there, in the house. Whether the house is actually a house or some roped off part of the mind that\'s been given up on. And I think \"sour\" works fine. Decay does smell sour and being left behind from losing interest or giving up on something, there would be a kind of decay even if it\'s metaphorical so it still fits. I\'m no expert but I think your words are perfect and you shouldn\'t change a thing.
March 22nd, 2017 18:49
Forgotten Dreams
MendedFences27 said:
Last two lines: Throughout you are describing a house and it continues into the last two lines, except when we come to \"lost ambition,\" a human trait, not one for a house. This gives the poem reason for being. Without it, all you\'ve got is a description of a house in decay. Why is it abandoned? Ah,yes. \"lost ambition,\" now , you\'re saying more than (See this house.), You give the reader food for thought. What brought on this \"lost ambition?\" You also give your poem a reason to exist.
One more small note \"sour \" smell, to me I would find a different modifier other than \"sour.\" Maybe something to enhance the sense of \"lost ambition.\" Say \"dormant\" or such.
So, definitely keep the last two lines. Loved the poem.- Phil A.
March 21st, 2017 19:51
MendedFences27 said:
Last two lines: Throughout you are describing a house and it continues into the last two lines, except when we come to \"lost ambition,\" a human trait, not one for a house. This gives the poem reason for being. Without it, all you\'ve got is a description of a house in decay. Why is it abandoned? Ah,yes. \"lost ambition,\" now , you\'re saying more than (See this house.), You give the reader food for thought. What brought on this \"lost ambition?\" You also give your poem a reason to exist.
One more small note \"sour \" smell, to me I would find a different modifier other than \"sour.\" Maybe something to enhance the sense of \"lost ambition.\" Say \"dormant\" or such.
So, definitely keep the last two lines. Loved the poem.- Phil A.
March 21st, 2017 19:51
The Airman
Goldfinch60 said:
That\'s what comes of flying too near the sun. Good write.
March 21st, 2017 01:54
Goldfinch60 said:
That\'s what comes of flying too near the sun. Good write.
March 21st, 2017 01:54
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