Comments received on poems by queer-with-a-pen

of irish spring soap and absent fathers
L. B. Mek said:

brilliantly raw and reads like a stream of consciousness diary entry, as if the reader is discovering the twists and turns of your musings at the same time as you are,
I really like the voice and the consistent flow of this write, I think you may have a perfect-fit style for first person young adult novels, if you ever think of venturing your artistry in that direction, (relatable and empathetic voice, with distinct perspectives of creative imagery)
as for father\'s: I suggest the psychological take would be your refusal of the jacket and sweater is in correlation to you outgrowing the childhood fantasy of becoming \'a man\' like your father (as in walking in his shoes/clothes and acting like him). Because sooner or later that \'man\' we projected was 30% reality and 70% our excuses for his short comings.
Still though: that 30% is what produced 50% of all the good within us... In one way or another.

September 15th, 2020 02:15

of irish spring soap and absent fathers
dusk arising said:

Between the lines i read the melancholy of regret. Regret that whilst you want to love your father\'s memory, there are reasons which are all to real in your memory impeding that love.
The way you have expressed this here shows mastery of the poetic art.
Deeply personal but easily relateable for any son with a troubled parental past.

September 15th, 2020 00:58

is this not a lament, captain?
L. B. Mek said:

\'because, really, what kind
of poet would he be
if heartbreak weren’t his
first love?\'
that\'s speaks to so many, on so many levels - a standout stanza of insight and unvarnished brevity,
brilliant write

September 7th, 2020 03:19

what of it?
jarcher54 said:

What a treat! There\'s a sort of a story here, but it\'s elusive and mostly suggestion, but well crafted. Above all, especially after reading all the happy love poems on this site (OK I am jealous but still are they all poems?), I embrace this:

there is not much material
in the monotony of being
constantly content

Thanks for a bit of tantalizing uncertainty in whether anything in your story gets requited. That\'s poetry.

August 23rd, 2020 06:42

an argument in support of foolishness in all matters of love
dusk arising said:

There was a time in another life when my wife and i bought two identical crosses to wear 24/7 around our necks. Every week we would exchange crosses........ a similar promise.

August 21st, 2020 02:58

all i ask
L. B. Mek said:

wonderful, simplicity is so overlooked in our strive for poetic excellence, which is a shame because here you\'ve displayed just what a gravitational pull it has,
rhythmic, unexaggerated and with a subtle nod to Victorian era love poems

August 7th, 2020 03:54

Neville said:

I\'m with Laura on this ..

May 23rd, 2020 07:48

Laura said:


A brutally honest and painful write! 😣
So sorry you had to experience such physical pain and mental anguish!


May 23rd, 2020 06:32

empty bottles and tattered sails
ChippedNailPolish said:

I love the metaphor you use, and the way in which you reveal further depth in every cleverly written line is beautifully done.

May 14th, 2020 07:28

a love like crashing waves
My_Brain said:

Beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing.

April 23rd, 2020 12:51

a love like crashing waves
FredPeyer said:

Boaz, this is good! Enjoyed reading it.

April 23rd, 2020 11:50

a love like crashing waves
dusk arising said:

The sea is a wicked temptress who will never leave you unstirred. She will offer solace and smash you upon rocks of despair, yet tickle your toes in cold foam of tease.....
The sea will sit you down and watch as you teach yourself of life beside her constance.

April 23rd, 2020 04:23

home again, home again
FredPeyer said:

no matter how, no matter where, eventually we are always coming home. I do like your poem!

April 18th, 2020 10:46

darling bardling
dusk arising said:

You are among people tarred with a similar brush for we all love to write verse when so inspired.

I can imagine that for you the heartache and longing is compounded for the gay community has part timers who are only true to their desires at short notice and quickly shrink into self denial.

Very emotional and well expressed writing. Sympathy to you and your quest in these lockdown times. Stay safe and live for a future. On the other side of this coronavirus the world will have become a different place. Some of the changes, whatever they are, may prove to be positives for you.

April 13th, 2020 06:36

prettier on paper
dusk arising said:

This shouts \"I dunno what i want but i sure don\'t want what i\'ve got\"

The frustration of so much good stuff being out there but none of it coming your way i guess. And the harder you try to attract it the more frustrated you get.
Catch 22 .

So maybe you turn your back on it so as to stop getting so wound up.... cos one day what you want is gonna come tapping you on the shoulder.

April 7th, 2020 11:41

prettier on paper
jarcher54 said:

I adore this:

the only heart i’ve ever
broken is my own

Thanks for that contribution to my day!

April 7th, 2020 08:47

oh, my darling
MendedFences27 said:

This poem may be short, but it says a lot. It exudes the melancholy/sorrow of a lost or failing love. The emotion of a separation or ending can cause one to physically tremble. The writers pain is felt by those who read this. A great communication of love\'s darker side. - Phil A.

April 4th, 2020 16:22

oh, my darling
Goldfinch60 said:

A bard who may not be able to hold a note but can certainly show their love in their words - shaky or otherwise. Love is always strong.


April 4th, 2020 01:46

who\'s your daddy?
dusk arising said:

There is a great deal of pain and sadness pouring out of your words today. And sincerity. Very moving indeed.

March 21st, 2020 01:18

hanahaki (or: two birds/one poem)
Saxon Crow said:

Love this Poem QWP. Especially the line and the roses, pink like the sunset and downy soft i planted between my ribs for you. Brilliant

March 11th, 2020 09:19

hanahaki (or: two birds/one poem)
Claudelle DeLuna said:

Well penned &
like that ending stanza

March 11th, 2020 07:26

reckless in love and other things
Saxon Crow said:

I love this poem. It tells me of the recklessness of youth maturing and shaping into wisdom of the heart. The only journey that is important.

February 14th, 2020 04:26

reckless in love and other things
dusk arising said:

Love as an emotion, rther than a physical act, is a noble place to begin for it is surely where you will finish too. Hopefully finishing with a finer trust and understanding of how huge a thing love really is.

You writing tells of coming to terms with your struggle which in a gay world must be some emotional battering given that there are so many part timers who are married.

Good luck to you and persevere.

February 14th, 2020 01:12

Seek said:

How well put QWAP! Snoring turns from a nuisance to sweet music when sleeping with the beloved. This is reminiscent of my own romantic poem (August 2019) called \"Asleep) on a similar theme. I invite you to take a look and comment. Amazing read!

January 8th, 2020 22:34

myself and me said:

Fully understand the feeling. like the mirage, you could never reach and touch. Beautifully expressed.

December 16th, 2019 18:20

after hours
yellowrose said:

The personification of sorrow ... Being like a monster . Very good ! Sometimes pain can make us lash out and hurt others and sometimes that can feel out of our control ... \" these claws only know how to rend and tear \" pain can affect how we sometimes are with other people ... Sometimes .

November 24th, 2019 01:52

yellowrose said:

I\'m sorry . It\'s so sad . But you expressed yourself well here

November 24th, 2019 01:39

call me maybe
yellowrose said:

I really like this . I like how you compare her to the call of the sea , and your fall onto the concrete hurts ... Just like wanting her hurts you . I can sense the seperation between the call of the sea ( this girl ) and you as if there is a pull between both of you but there is a distance there ... A distance which simply hurts

November 24th, 2019 01:32

is it, though?
Jamie said:

“so much it left a mark” love that

October 17th, 2019 12:59

oh, father (or: what i would say at my father\'s funeral)
dusk arising said:

These feelings are out and good for you for saying it BLUNT cos its so hurtful for you. He damaged you.

But you are not beyond recovery. The very fact that you are poetic shows you are evacuating the damage from your soul. It will take time and you should be gentle with the process.

MPS is a very theraputic place where goodwill exists in bucket loads.

Publishing what you write when drunk really gets it off your chest. I hope your head feels ok - hangover wise.

August 12th, 2019 00:27

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