Comments received on poems by SheWasTheSun
Smile Spell
LIGHT WARRIOR said:
I really enjoyed this piece. Hi t made me smile...xxxooo
July 21st, 2016 00:27
LIGHT WARRIOR said:
I really enjoyed this piece. Hi t made me smile...xxxooo
July 21st, 2016 00:27
The War
lysistrata said:
Friend,
What you might have missed about me is that I don't make KIND remarks.I make HONEST remarks.
So I like this one here,but I think you should change the lines 1 with 4:
"But he starts to sing his song
As his long fingers grip my throat
And his lips reach my ear
He sings the first note"
Keep writing...
July 18th, 2016 23:22
lysistrata said:
Friend,
What you might have missed about me is that I don't make KIND remarks.I make HONEST remarks.
So I like this one here,but I think you should change the lines 1 with 4:
"But he starts to sing his song
As his long fingers grip my throat
And his lips reach my ear
He sings the first note"
Keep writing...
July 18th, 2016 23:22
A Riveting Story
lysistrata said:
I am here my friend. I never miss a riveting story,a love story,a dying story....Inspiration is here to stay:good rhyme.
July 18th, 2016 00:45
lysistrata said:
I am here my friend. I never miss a riveting story,a love story,a dying story....Inspiration is here to stay:good rhyme.
July 18th, 2016 00:45
A Riveting Story
willyweed said:
I like it very good rhyme , flow and structure! ww
July 17th, 2016 20:25
willyweed said:
I like it very good rhyme , flow and structure! ww
July 17th, 2016 20:25
To Those Who Came Before Us
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
THANKS MY FRIEND ~ For a very elegant "free verse" poem in just one fast flowing stanza. I can understand why you deleted ~ revised ~ reposted (I do that too !) because generational critique can be hurtful ! I'm 33 but because I was born after 1980 I was schooled in the digital age. In the UK the percentage of people who don't text or surf the web increases with age. Many people of 75+ are not computer literate. This is a great problem educationalwise because they can't get out to classes and cant access programmes like FUTURE LEARN on line. Because of "TECHNOLOGY" everyone in the whole world is increasingly "born equal". No need for personal libraries or access to education ~ its all on line. Brother GOOGLE enables us to know everything all the time. Today's Teens have more access to "know how" than any previous generation. Please use it wisely ! Many sacred cows (in education & society) are now obsolete but the over-50's are still very reluctant to let go. The World is still run by the 50+ TRUMP & HILLARY are both 70+ but maybe they are exceptional???? Thanks for caring and sharing ~ Yours BRIAN
June 16th, 2016 18:01
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
THANKS MY FRIEND ~ For a very elegant "free verse" poem in just one fast flowing stanza. I can understand why you deleted ~ revised ~ reposted (I do that too !) because generational critique can be hurtful ! I'm 33 but because I was born after 1980 I was schooled in the digital age. In the UK the percentage of people who don't text or surf the web increases with age. Many people of 75+ are not computer literate. This is a great problem educationalwise because they can't get out to classes and cant access programmes like FUTURE LEARN on line. Because of "TECHNOLOGY" everyone in the whole world is increasingly "born equal". No need for personal libraries or access to education ~ its all on line. Brother GOOGLE enables us to know everything all the time. Today's Teens have more access to "know how" than any previous generation. Please use it wisely ! Many sacred cows (in education & society) are now obsolete but the over-50's are still very reluctant to let go. The World is still run by the 50+ TRUMP & HILLARY are both 70+ but maybe they are exceptional???? Thanks for caring and sharing ~ Yours BRIAN
June 16th, 2016 18:01
To Those Who Came Before Us
Tropicana said:
I liked this, I correct me if I'm wrong but was the ending symbolic of the way technology is prevalent in this generation?
June 16th, 2016 16:13
Tropicana said:
I liked this, I correct me if I'm wrong but was the ending symbolic of the way technology is prevalent in this generation?
June 16th, 2016 16:13
Apathy
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Thanks for sharing - An awesome poem pulsating with poetic energy and the very antithesis of the subject APATHY ! I have acquaintances who are APATHETIC and you have described them perfectly. A good descriptive poem must ring true ! Yours BRIAN
June 10th, 2016 03:24
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Thanks for sharing - An awesome poem pulsating with poetic energy and the very antithesis of the subject APATHY ! I have acquaintances who are APATHETIC and you have described them perfectly. A good descriptive poem must ring true ! Yours BRIAN
June 10th, 2016 03:24
I Know
lysistrata said:
My New Friend,
You should very proud of your poem.It is powerful. It is inspiring.
Remember that anyone could degrade our body,but we should permit no one to narrow and degrade our mind and spirit.
Do you know Varoufakis? If not,today you would.
You are going to be the editor of my next poem. I hope you would enjoy it as much as I enjoyed yours,today....😀🙌
June 9th, 2016 09:30
lysistrata said:
My New Friend,
You should very proud of your poem.It is powerful. It is inspiring.
Remember that anyone could degrade our body,but we should permit no one to narrow and degrade our mind and spirit.
Do you know Varoufakis? If not,today you would.
You are going to be the editor of my next poem. I hope you would enjoy it as much as I enjoyed yours,today....😀🙌
June 9th, 2016 09:30
I Know
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Ohhhhhhhh Friend - The pain some Men inflict on beautiful Ladies sometimes makes me wish I could swap gender. It makes me ashamed to be a Man. Your poem (about a horrible Man) has a beautiful structure. Rhyming couplets packed in neat quatrains. The content describes what millions of Ladies endure every day -- and yet these Ladies make excuses for their Man - so so sad ! Love the optimism in your last stanza ! But I also know your strength ~ And the never ending length ~ Of your bright fiery spirit ~ So powerful even he would fear it. Thanks for caring and sharing - BRIAN
June 8th, 2016 15:53
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Ohhhhhhhh Friend - The pain some Men inflict on beautiful Ladies sometimes makes me wish I could swap gender. It makes me ashamed to be a Man. Your poem (about a horrible Man) has a beautiful structure. Rhyming couplets packed in neat quatrains. The content describes what millions of Ladies endure every day -- and yet these Ladies make excuses for their Man - so so sad ! Love the optimism in your last stanza ! But I also know your strength ~ And the never ending length ~ Of your bright fiery spirit ~ So powerful even he would fear it. Thanks for caring and sharing - BRIAN
June 8th, 2016 15:53
My Father\'s Daughter
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Thanks for sharing a lovely beautifully crafted modern "free verse" poem ! It is "An Ode to Genetics" ! You are your Father's Daughter (with a bit of your Mum) I am my Father's Son (with a bit of my Mam). Being like our Parents creates a great bond of love. Love the joy - expressed in your ending "Possibly the best thing I could be !" Yours BRIAN
June 5th, 2016 03:13
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Thanks for sharing a lovely beautifully crafted modern "free verse" poem ! It is "An Ode to Genetics" ! You are your Father's Daughter (with a bit of your Mum) I am my Father's Son (with a bit of my Mam). Being like our Parents creates a great bond of love. Love the joy - expressed in your ending "Possibly the best thing I could be !" Yours BRIAN
June 5th, 2016 03:13
She was the Sun
lysistrata said:
I am not into confessional poetry,
but Thanks for sharing with us your true life story.
They say that only a flower that falls is a complete flower,
while when it comes to the sun,"you can shut it out for a time, but it ain't going away.”
It would shine again...
June 4th, 2016 05:25
lysistrata said:
I am not into confessional poetry,
but Thanks for sharing with us your true life story.
They say that only a flower that falls is a complete flower,
while when it comes to the sun,"you can shut it out for a time, but it ain't going away.”
It would shine again...
June 4th, 2016 05:25
She was the Sun
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
WOW SUN-GIRL THIS REALLY IS A POEM ! Six perfect free verse quatrains - which perfectly tell your story ! Golden hair - Bright eyes - Warm laugh - Growing stronger (I love this Lady !). Then - overcome by DARKNESS - No longer the Sun - an empty dim shell ! This verse made me shed tears. However the opening and closing doublets give me hope "But once she was the the Sun ~ And oh how she shone !" Memories are made of this - Thanks for sharing and caring - BRIAN
June 4th, 2016 04:01
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
WOW SUN-GIRL THIS REALLY IS A POEM ! Six perfect free verse quatrains - which perfectly tell your story ! Golden hair - Bright eyes - Warm laugh - Growing stronger (I love this Lady !). Then - overcome by DARKNESS - No longer the Sun - an empty dim shell ! This verse made me shed tears. However the opening and closing doublets give me hope "But once she was the the Sun ~ And oh how she shone !" Memories are made of this - Thanks for sharing and caring - BRIAN
June 4th, 2016 04:01
She was the Sun
sickmind666 said:
Interesting poem I enjoyed it especially cause it symbolizes your chosen name on mypoeticside.
June 4th, 2016 01:39
sickmind666 said:
Interesting poem I enjoyed it especially cause it symbolizes your chosen name on mypoeticside.
June 4th, 2016 01:39
No Home
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
HOME - is where the heart is ! BUT - If your home had no heart it is (as you say) just an "empty cave". We all experience that sometime ! Every blessing. Love the structure of the poem - quatrains and a consistent abab cdcd etc rhyme pattern. The poem has great flow - Thanks for sharing - BRIAN
June 3rd, 2016 13:13
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
HOME - is where the heart is ! BUT - If your home had no heart it is (as you say) just an "empty cave". We all experience that sometime ! Every blessing. Love the structure of the poem - quatrains and a consistent abab cdcd etc rhyme pattern. The poem has great flow - Thanks for sharing - BRIAN
June 3rd, 2016 13:13
No Home
lysistrata said:
"No Home" or "A Cage for the Soul".
SheWasTheSun brings light with her words....
Keep writing,
Lysi.
June 3rd, 2016 10:33
lysistrata said:
"No Home" or "A Cage for the Soul".
SheWasTheSun brings light with her words....
Keep writing,
Lysi.
June 3rd, 2016 10:33
My Mistake
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Beautiful nostalgic Love Poem - thanks for sharing. Some of my best poems come when the muse moves in the Night ! Your elegant "free verse" poem has great flow and slips perfectly into a single slender stanza - I love it . I can also empathise with the content and I'm still looking (and lamenting !) at 33 ! Yours BRIAN
June 3rd, 2016 03:58
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Beautiful nostalgic Love Poem - thanks for sharing. Some of my best poems come when the muse moves in the Night ! Your elegant "free verse" poem has great flow and slips perfectly into a single slender stanza - I love it . I can also empathise with the content and I'm still looking (and lamenting !) at 33 ! Yours BRIAN
June 3rd, 2016 03:58
Standing Still
iceman43 said:
Short and to the point. I like it. A rolling stone etc.
May 27th, 2016 20:58
iceman43 said:
Short and to the point. I like it. A rolling stone etc.
May 27th, 2016 20:58
Funeral
paulamcnealy said:
Very deep. Your FUNERAL really makes one think. Very touching. Nice job
May 27th, 2016 20:57
paulamcnealy said:
Very deep. Your FUNERAL really makes one think. Very touching. Nice job
May 27th, 2016 20:57
Standing Still
lysistrata said:
Thanks for writing a poem about ME.
I don't like standing still. Who does?
May 27th, 2016 09:45
lysistrata said:
Thanks for writing a poem about ME.
I don't like standing still. Who does?
May 27th, 2016 09:45
Funeral
lysistrata said:
Hi,
I am new here,but I like your "Funeral".
Your narrator seems suicidal and his tone is both dark and ironic.
Best part? Your closure.
Keep trying,
L.
May 26th, 2016 12:36
lysistrata said:
Hi,
I am new here,but I like your "Funeral".
Your narrator seems suicidal and his tone is both dark and ironic.
Best part? Your closure.
Keep trying,
L.
May 26th, 2016 12:36
Funeral
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Thanks for sharing an amazing Poem. As it happens I am going to a Friend's Funeral today and your poem has really made me think. The Friend (who died last week) was lovely He was a musician and had a real Faith in God - He knew where he was going ! So todays funeral will be a CELEBRATION and not a LAMENTATION ! I am sure yours will be a perfect funeral as I hope will mine. MAX was 78 - I always feel the Funeral of a Young person like you and I (33) is always more sad. No parent should have to attend their beloved child's funeral and you touch on that scenario in your poem. This is a very moving poem and you suggest there is an element of sham in all funerals ? Love the first and last line DID YOU ATTEND MY FUNERAL ? AWESOME. BRIAN
May 26th, 2016 04:21
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
Thanks for sharing an amazing Poem. As it happens I am going to a Friend's Funeral today and your poem has really made me think. The Friend (who died last week) was lovely He was a musician and had a real Faith in God - He knew where he was going ! So todays funeral will be a CELEBRATION and not a LAMENTATION ! I am sure yours will be a perfect funeral as I hope will mine. MAX was 78 - I always feel the Funeral of a Young person like you and I (33) is always more sad. No parent should have to attend their beloved child's funeral and you touch on that scenario in your poem. This is a very moving poem and you suggest there is an element of sham in all funerals ? Love the first and last line DID YOU ATTEND MY FUNERAL ? AWESOME. BRIAN
May 26th, 2016 04:21
Open Book
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
WELCOME TO MPS - Lovely first poem - love the metaphore of the OPEN BOOK the last line is awesome ! To read past the title page ! BRIAN
May 25th, 2016 01:50
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
WELCOME TO MPS - Lovely first poem - love the metaphore of the OPEN BOOK the last line is awesome ! To read past the title page ! BRIAN
May 25th, 2016 01:50
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